stop being mean to Donny, Vlad — you’re making him cry

the whole world is laughing at Dear Leader

the Oxford English Dictionary — the go-to for all things wordtastic — defines diplomacy as ‘the profession, activity, or skill of managing international relations, typically by a country’s representatives abroad.’

the key words in that definition are ‘profession’ and ‘skill.’

sane countries chose their diplomats from a body of skilled professionals who have made it their life’s work to know how to say exactly the right thing, in any situation — because it makes no sense for a country to have hothead fuckwits mucking about, barking out crazy shit and blundering into wars.

that’s why it’s always super fucking hilarious to watch Mad King Donny conduct high-level foreign policy by the seat of his pants while melting all the way down on his crappy app.

“What Vladimir Putin doesn’t realize is that if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He’s playing with fire!”

is there any other country on the planet whose chief executive’s social media is a 24/7 firehose of petty grievances?

spoiler alert: the answer is no, because it’s just fucking insane.

I cannot stress this enough: Mad King Donny should not be conducting foreign policy via a series of colicky rage-posts. it accomplishes nothing, and it’s just embarrassing. the world is laughing at us.

can someone please take away Dear Leader’s phone?

but let’s look at what Donny’s saying: ‘if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD.’

excuse me, but what ‘REALLY BAD things’ has Donny personally kept from happening to Russia? who the fuck does Donny imagine he’s working for? last time I looked, Donny’s title was President of the United States, not Protectorate of Russia.

I’m so old, I remember when American presidents looked out for the interests of their own country — not those of our adversaries.

Donny’s having the saddest of saddy-sad sads right now because — after twelve years spent sucking up to Putin in a pathetic effort to be his bestie —

it’s finally dawning on this dilapidated old dotard that Vlad is never going to be his friend. Putin’s been playing Donny like a fiddle since day one.

remember how Donny campaigned on the ludicrous boast that he would end Russia’s war on Ukraine in one day? well, here we are, 128 days later — and guess what: Putin’s war rages on, with no end in sight.

Putin’s an expansionist. his goal is to rebuild the Tsarist Russian Empire of the 19th Century. it’s a goal that includes annexing Ukraine.

but here comes Mad King Donny, the delusional dipshit who imagines he’s The Greatest Deal Maker of All Time. he’s gonna fix everything. he’s gonna solve all this war shit by flattering Putin, and remind him what great pals they are — and maybe even throw in the promise of a golden tower in Moscow.

but none of that laughable bullshit’s worked, so now Donny’s gonna try threats — by telling Putin he’s “playing with fire.” oh joy, one nuclear power telling another that they’re ‘playing with fire.’ what could go wrong?

tell me, Donny, does this look like a guy who gives one fuck about your threats?

Putin’s laughing at Donny. all of Russia is laughing at Donny. for fuck’s sake, even Russia’s official state media is laughing at Donny. look what Russia Today posted to their not-twitter account.

“President Trump warns Moscow, claiming Russia avoided ‘REALLY BAD’ consequences only thanks to him ‘Putin doesn’t realize… he’s playing with fire!’ — Trump’s message leaves little room for misinterpretation. Until he posts the opposite tomorrow morning.”

does Russia have Mad King Donny’s number, or what? they know he’s an erratic dope who can be depended on to contradict himself the very next day — and they’re taunting him about it, right to his face.

hey, remember when Donny said this about Putin in 2016?

“I don’t know anything about him other than he will respect me.”

yeah, I don’t think so.

Donny is all ‘come on, Vlad, you owe me one’ — and Russian state media is all ‘die mad, you salty bitch.’

no one respects Donny.

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of all the things in this world that have never happened, here’s one that never happened the most.

“I told Canada, which very much wants to be part of our fabulous Golden Dome System, that it will cost $61 Billion Dollars if they remain a separate, but unequal, Nation, but will cost ZERO DOLLARS if they become our cherished 51st State. They are considering the offer!”

I have a question for President Dumb-Ass: is Canada in the room with us right now?

Golden Dome, to catch you up, is Donny’s expensive, unworkable fantasy to protect America from the threat of missile attacks — but it’s basically just a scam to shovel billions of dollars into the Space Nazi’s pockets.

Golden Dome is based on Israel’s Iron Dome defense system — but because Donny is a fucking child, everything always has to made of gold.

so here’s Donny, claiming that he’s been talking to ‘Canada,’ and that they’re ‘interested’ in become our 51st state, so they can get in on some of that sweet golden domey goodness.

I guarantee that none of that is true. Donny didn’t ‘talk to Canada.’ Canada isn’t ‘interested.’ Donny’s just making shit up.

once again, the president of the United States is typing fever-swamp hallucinations into his phone, and farting them out into the world. why? to accomplish what? does Donny imagine that Mark Carney is going see Donny’s not-tweet, and go ‘oh yeah, I guess we should become America’s hat’?

Donny is living a dream world. Canada does not want to be our hat — and the promise of an expensive, unworkable, pie-in-the-literal-sky defense system that will never be built isn’t going to change that.

it’s bad enough for Canada that they find themselves living above a meth lab. they don’t want to become part of that shit.

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oh look, it’s not just Russia who has no respect for Mad King Donny. Wall Street is mocking the shit out of Dear Leader, too.

that four letter code word is TACO. here’s what it stands for:

Trump Always Chickens Out.

It refers to the president’s tendency to announce massive tariffs, causing the markets to plunge, only to back off days later, causing them to rise again.

TACO is now an official investment strategy.

Ted Jenkin, president of Exit Stage Left Advisors, told the New York Post there’s now a simple strategy on Wall Street based on those shifts.

“Once he delivers bad news, investors are buying those stocks when they are beaten down waiting for him to chicken out and watching those stocks rebound in value,” he explained.

so now, even Wall Street is laughing at the Mad King — and enriching themselves at the same time.

heck of a job, Donny.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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