batshit warmonger gives bugfuck speech

demented dimwit tells us nothing we didn’t already know

what the fuck was that?

for nineteen mystifying minutes last night, Preznit Fuckwit teetered behind his podium, gripping it for dear life, and blithered into his microphone — but he didn’t offer one meaningful piece of information about his unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran.

he just told the same old lies, repeated the same old threats, bragged about his same old imaginary accomplishments, and was the same incoherent mess he always is.

which of Donny’s handlers got the bright idea of letting Dear Leader do a prime-time event? because let’s get real: Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants no longer has the mental acuity to be making speeches after dark. oh, sure, you can prop him up in front of a microphone during the day, and hope for the best — but at 9pm? fuck no. that time of night, he should be pudding-cupped, freshly diapered and led off to bed.

listen to Donny ramble in that bizarre, halting singsong cadence of his.

“they’re the belief no longer— this is a true investment in your— children and your grandchildren’s future, the whole world is watching and— they can’t leave the power strength and brilliance they just can’t BELIEVE what they’re seeing. they— LEAVE IT TO your imagination but they can’t BELIEVE what they’re seeing, the brilliance of the United States— military.”

if Donny seems flummoxed by the words he’s speaking, that’s because he is flummoxed. he never reads any of this shit in advance, so when he encounters whatever drivel Stephen Miller wrote for him, it’s for the first time — and it shows.

wouldn’t you love it if Donny took the job of presidenting seriously enough to, y’know, work at it? he might actually be less of a fuck-up if he did.

good news, everyone! Donny’s don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran is going to be over in — drum roll, please — two weeks!

“thanks to the progress that we’ve made, I can say tonight we are on track to complete all of America’s military objectives shortly— very shortly. we are going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks. we’re gonna bring them back to the stone ages, where they belong.”

isn’t it adorable how everything — whether it’s infrastructure, or a healthcare plan, or an illegal don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war — is always going to be finished in two weeks? never mind that Donny told us two weeks ago that his war would be over in two weeks, or that he’s going to hand us the same bullshit line two weeks from now.

and isn’t it also adorable how Donny’s going to bomb Iran back to the stone ages — plural, all of them, not just the one Tom Homan Fred Flintstone lives in?

oh look, Donny’s ‘stone ages’ line gave Piss-Drunk Pete a hard-on.

calm the fuck down, you war-crime-happy ghoul.

but I’d like to focus on this one passage, because it shows just how clearly in over his head Donny is.

“the hard part is done, so it should be easy. and, in any event, when this conflict is over, the Strait will open up naturally. it’ll just open up naturally. they’re gonna wanna be able to sell oil because— that's all they have to try and rebuild, it will— resume the flowing and the gas prices will rapidly come back down.”

what in the hallowed name of Magical Thinking Jesus is this everybody-gets-a-pony fairy tale nonsense? what the fuck is Donny babbling about? on what planet is the Strait of Epstein™ going to ‘open up naturally,’ enabling gas prices to ‘rapidly come down’?

do we have to click our heels together three times, or can we skip that part for once?

where have we heard this kind of ‘hey, don’t worry, everything’s gonna work out great, you’ll see’ bullshit before? oh, right: back during the early days of covid, when Donny kept assuring us that it would ‘simply go away.’

spoiler alert: covid never ‘went away.’ it’s still around, 6 years later. but because Donny chose to try to wish the problem away instead of addressing it, millions of people died.

and now, because Donny is trying to wish away the consequences is his disastrous Iranian clusterfuck, the entire planet is being destabilized.

that’s the through-line of Donny’s entire life: fuck up spectacularly, and then try to bullshit his way out of it. but it’s one thing to fuck up a casino, or a fugly golden tower — the stakes are low, and affect only Donny and his investors. it’s another thing to fuck up an entire region of the world. it’s all of us who get to suffer.

what a great idea it was to put a lifelong fuck-up in charge of an entire military. yay, us!

---

so, did Donny’s ‘don’t worry, be happy’ speech mollify the financial world? let’s take a look.

oh dear. market futures cratered — before Donny even finished speaking.

and the price of crude rose.

awesome job, you stupid shit. maybe next time you get the hankering to speechify, just shut the fuck up instead. find something harmless with which to occupy yourself. I hear pudding cups are nice.

---

here’s the other thing that happened yesterday. the White House posted a video of an Easter luncheon in the East Room, during which Donny pissed and moaned about the federal government having to pay for social services.

“we can’t take care of daycare. you gotta let a state take care of daycare, and they should pay for it, too. they should pay. they’ll have to raise their taxes. but they should pay for it. and we could lower our taxes at little bit to them, to make up for— but we— it’s not possible for us to take care of daycare. Medicaid, Medicare, all these individual— things. they can do it on a state basis. you can’t do it on a feda— we have to take care of one thing: military protection. we have to guard the country.”

holy shit. imagine what a real opposition party in America could do with a statement like ‘we can’t pay for healthcare, we have wars to fight.’

hello, Chuck Schumer — are you listening?

oh god, he’s so fucking useless.

Uncle Crazypants also manged to try to compare himself to Jesus and whine about his thwarted Epstein Dance Hall™ at the same time.

“on Palm Sunday, Jesus entered Jerusalem as crowds welcomed him with praise, honoring him as king. they call me king now, do you believe it? I’m such a king, I can’t get a ballroom approved.”

now here’s a fun, true fact: after putting these videos on line, the White House quickly took them down.

But most telling about the whole event was what happened after. Because shortly after the luncheon had ended, the White House made a move not often seen. They deleted the video recording of his entire speech.

gee, I wonder why.

---

oh, and those Supreme Court oral arguments about birthright citizenship that Donny was so horny to attend yesterday morning? he bailed on them even before they were halfway over.

things weren’t going Donny’s way. just about all the Justices had been using his ill-prepared Solicitor General, John Sauer, as a chew toy — and he just couldn’t bear to watch. so once again, Brave Sir Fuckface bravely ran away, away.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.