batshit fuckwit sending fake boat to fix imaginary Greenland health crisis

perfectly normal stuff

folks, is it a bad thing when the president of the United States is so utterly detached from reality that when he announces a great humanitarian relief effort, no one has any fucking clue what he’s gibbering about?

“Working with the fantastic Governor of Louisiana, Jeff Landry, we are going to send a great hospital boat to Greenland to take care of the many people who are sick, and not being taken care of there. It’s on the way!!! President DJT”

cool AI slop, what with the heroic rescue ship sailing towards a glorious sunset — but the hell is this all about?

well, here’s a fun fact: everyone is stumped. even the Wall Street Journal is all ‘fuck if we know.’

Late Saturday, Trump posted on social media that he is sending the ship “to take care of the many people who are sick, and not being taken care of there. It’s on the way!!!”

the Journal had one question for the White House: ‘are all these sick Greenlanders in the room with us right now?’

The White House didn’t respond to questions about what specifically prompted the ship’s deployment.

the White House comms office must by so tired of having to clean up after Preznit Bugfuck’s fever-swamp hallucinations. they probably screamed ‘the Dow is at fifty thousand dollars!’ into the mouthpiece and slammed the phone down.

as far as anyone can tell, Greenland hasn’t asked for our help — nor does it need our help.

Greenland’s government provides free healthcare to the population.

that’s right, Greenlanders never have to worry about where the money’s going to come from, if they get sick — as opposed to our own country, where most of us are one bad diagnosis away from having to start a go-fund-me to stave off medical bankruptcy.

now here’s another unanswerable question: what fucking ship are we sending? because the US has only two hospital ships — East Coast-based USNS Comfort and the West Coast-based USNS Mercy — and both of them are undergoing maintenance work right now.

Both vessels are in a shipyard in Mobile, Ala., and not at their home ports, according to the ship-tracking website MarineTraffic. The Comfort is expected to complete its maintenance period in April, according to a Defense Department contract listing in December.

so, for those of you keeping score at home, Donny is sending unavailable hospital ships to ‘rescue’ ‘sick’ Greenlanders who aren’t sick and don’t need to be rescued.

perfectly normal stuff, am I right?

even Denmark’s government is all ‘what the fuck is Donny yammering about?’

Troels Lund Poulsen, the Danish defence minister, also rejected Trump’s claim that people in Greenland were being denied medical treatment.

“The Greenlandic population receives the healthcare it needs,” he told the Danish broadcaster DR. “They receive it either in Greenland, or, if they require specialised treatment, they receive it in Denmark. So it’s not as if there’s a need for a special healthcare initiative in Greenland.”

where is Donny getting his information from? who told him Greenland needed his help? here’s the terrifying answer that that question: who even fucking knows?

now, because I’m a responsible journalist and everything, I did some googling — and this is the closest thing I found.

Denmark’s Joint ⁠Arctic Command said ​on Saturday it ‌had evacuated a ‌crew ⁠member ⁠who required urgent medical treatment ​from a U.S. submarine in ​Greenlandic waters, seven nautical ⁠miles outside ⁠of ⁠Greenland’s capital ​Nuuk.

The crew member has ​been ⁠transferred to the Greenlandic health authorities ⁠and the hospital in Nuuk, the Joint ⁠Arctic Command said in a statement.

The evacuation was carried out using the Danish Defence Seahawk ⁠helicopter, it added.

that’s a Reuters report from yesterday, about two hours before Donny made his announcement.

basically, the Danish government rescued a member of our military who was in medical distress, and transferred them to a hospital in Greenland. that’s the exact opposite of what Donny imagines the situation to be.

so what the fuck happened? I’m guessing that someone in the White House told Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants about the rescue — and since he no longer has the mental acuity to process basic information, he completely misunderstood what he heard.

think about this: Donny had to have had an accomplice. he didn’t gin up that AI boat artwork all by himself. which means that Donny’s handlers didn’t just let him fart out pure nonsense — they helped him. and nobody tried to correct him, to tell him ‘no, that shit’s not what’s happening’ — because nobody wanted a ketchup bottle lobbed at their head.

now, we all dodged a bullet here, so to speak. suppose President Drool Bucket does manage to send an unneeded hospital ship to ‘solve’ an imaginary crisis. no harm, no foul, except for the time and money wasted, right?

but what happens next, as Donny continues to deteriorate?

what if Donny wakes up one day decides to lob a nuke at someone, because the shrieking noises inside his head started barking in four-part harmony?

this situation is not just fucking nuts — it’s untenable. Donny’s only going to get worse.

imagine that Joe Biden had tweeted out about how he was sending unavailable ships to head up an imaginary relief effort. you know damn well what would have happened next. Republicans would have called for an immediate impeachment. Jake Tapper would have written seven unsellable books about it by the next day’s breakfast.

but here in the land of the Mad King, it’s just another batshit thing that happened, and we all just shrug our shoulders and move on.

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here’s one sure way you can tell you’re living in a shithole country: when the following two headlines appear one after another.

Donny and his piss-drunk Secretary of Bourbon have shoveled so much money into the laps of the military that it’s just piling up, and no one has any idea how to spend it.

Trump administration officials have struggled to figure out how to increase U.S. military spending by a whopping $500 billion in their forthcoming budget, slowing the overall White House spending plan, four people familiar with the matter said.

Donny and Plastered Pete want to increase the military budget by HALF A TRILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. that’s an insane amount of money. I mean, even after you buy a skateboard for every member of our armed forces, that’s still like $499 billion left over.

come on, wasting money is what the Pentagon does best. remember all the stories from the 1980s about $67 screws and $640 toilet seats? welcome to the new normal, where the military is over-funded to the point where they can’t burn through it fast enough.

meanwhile, We the People are cordially invited to go fuck ourselves. you want healthcare? sorry, the government has no money for that. you want your children to get a proper education? eat an entire bag of dicks. oh, are your bridges and highways crumbling to pieces? that’s too goddamned bad.

you want any of that shit taken care of? go live in Greenland, commie.

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here’s your hero of the day: the Popinator himself, Leo the Fourteenth.

United States Vice President Couchfuck McGee traveled all the way to the Vatican to personally invite Pope Leo to participate in America’s 250th anniversary celebrations next summer — and the Pope was all ‘fuck that shit and fuck it hard.’

Pope Leo XIV has given an embarrassing snub to US Vice President JD Vance by declining an official invitation to attend the upcoming July 4th 250th anniversary celebrations in the US — in order to go to an event supporting refugees instead.

His Popeness, you see, has better things to do with his time. he’s going to spend July 4 advocating for immigrants. he’s not going to bother going to America, the country that disappears its own immigrants into far-away slave-labor gulags.

The Pope, who comes from Chicago, will mark that date “on the tiny Italian island of Lampedusa — a migrant gateway in the Mediterranean,” according to Christopher Hale, who documents Vatican affairs through his “Letters from Leo” reports.

too bad, so sad, JD Vance. just one more humiliating moment in a failed vice presidency full of humiliating moments.

now comes the part where we throw our heads back in laughter. ready?

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.