American president loses Canadian election

Canada doesn’t want to be our hat

yesterday, as voters in Canada headed to the polls, a feeble and disoriented resident at the world-renowned White House Eldercare Center in Washington, DC, seemed to imagine that he was on the ballot.

“Good luck to the Great people of Canada. Elect the man who has the strength and wisdom to cut your taxes in half, increase your military power, for free, to the highest level in the World, have your Car, Steel, Aluminum, Lumber, Energy, and all other businesses, QUADRUPLE in size, WITH ZERO TARIFFS OR TAXES, if Canada becomes the cherished 51st. State of the United States of America. No more artificially drawn line from many years ago. Look how beautiful this land mass would be. Free access with NO BORDER. ALL POSITIVES WITH NO NEGATIVES. IT WAS MEANT TO BE! America can no longer subsidize Canada with the Hundreds of Billions of Dollars a year that we have been spending in the past. It makes no sense unless Canada is a State!”

again with this delusional drivel. there was no possible outcome of yesterday’s election that would have led to Canada becoming America’s 51st state.

Donny is toxic right now in Canada. even Pierre Poilievre — the conservative candidate Donny backed — was basically all would you PLEASE shut the fuck up already.

“President Trump, stay out of our election. The only people who will decide the future of Canada are Canadians at the ballot box. Canada will always be proud, sovereign and independent and we will NEVER be the 51st state. Today Canadians can vote for change so we can strengthen our country, stand on our own two feet and stand up to America from a position of strength.”

Poilievre had good reason to be exasperated with Lord Fuckwit. mere months ago, everyone assumed Poilievre’s Conservative Party would skate to an easy win. they were 25 points up in the polls. the Liberals were in complete disarray.

For the Liberals, the win marks a remarkable recovery for a party that was, until recently, on track for electoral devastation.

Until the end of 2024, internal discussions within the Liberal party were grim: under their most optimistic scenarios, they could only hope of holding the Conservatives to a minority government. Outright victory was nowhere on the party’s radar.

but every time Donny opened his rancid anus-yap to blither about oh Canada, I demand you become our hat, the Libs rose in the polls — and yesterday, they fucking won.

congratulations, Donny — you did that.

let’s listen to a little of Mark Carney’s victory speech.

“we are once again at one of those hinge moments of history. our old relationship with the United States — a relationship based on steadily increasing integration — is over. the system of open global trade, anchored by the United States — a system that Canada has relied on since the second world war, a system that while not perfect, has helped deliver prosperity for our country for decades — is over. these are tragedies but it’s also our new reality. we are over the shock of the American betrayal, but we should never forget the lessons. we have to look out for ourselves and above all, we have to take care of each other.”

congratulations, Donny. America’s closest ally no longer wants any part of us.

you demanded that Canada become our hat, and spoiler alert: Canada does not want to be our hat.

none of this had to happen. ‘Canada should be our 51st state’ wasn’t even on anyone’s radar, until Little Donny Fuckface stared yammering about it. neither was ‘let’s have a ruinous trade war.’ they were the foolish fantasies of a syphilitic Mad King lost in the delusional haze of his own imagined imperialistic glory. all Donny had to do was shut the fuck up — but shutting the fuck up is something Donny is fundamentally incapable of doing.

and now, the politest people on the planet are shunning us. here’s how polite Canadians are: they can’t even get mad at us without apologizing for it.

“One couple at a voting station in Port Credit said they would rather not speak to American media. They then apologized three times.”

ace job, dickbrain. you did that.

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Canada’s election wasn’t the only thing Donny was meddling in yesterday.

President Trump signed an executive order on Monday that requires commercial truck drivers in the United States to be proficient in English.

seriously? this is where we are now? because I know of one truck driver who can barely speak English — this guy.

half the time you can’t even figure out what the fuck he’s gibbering about, but he’s going to impose language requirements on everyone else.

seems like once again I have to point out that executive orders are not laws.

Executive orders are issued from the executive branch of the government, specifically the U.S. President. An executive order is not a law in the sense that it does not go through the legislative process. It is not binding on everyone, only on employees of the executive branch.

Donny’s fascistic blizzard of unconstitutional executive orders are being treated as laws of the land only because a Republican-controlled Congress — aided and abetted by the compliant scribblers of the corporate-controlled media — are allowing them to be treated as such.

in a sane world, Donny would sign one of these nonsensical orders, and Congress would say fuck straight off, asshole — we pass the laws around here. but we don’t live in a sane world. we live in a world where Holy Mike Johnson, the Incredible Shrinking Speaker of the House, isn’t anywhere to be found. has anyone seen Mike lately? do we need to be putting his face on milk cartons?

Donny should be more concerned about what’s being transported on those trucks than who’s speaking what language — because the answer is soon going to be ‘nothing.’

President Donald Trump’s trade war policies are expected to bring about a 35% decline in cargo arriving at the Port of Los Angeles by next week as “essentially all shipments out of China for major retailers and manufacturers have ceased,” according to Port of Los Angeles Executive Director Gene Seroka.

oh, how lovely. while President Trade Wars Are Easy To Win sits by the phone and waits for a call from Xi that’s never going to happen, China is all how about if we send you … nothing? how’d that be?

Meanwhile, major retailers have told Seroka that they have about a six- to eight-week supply of inventory but that “will quickly dry up.” The Los Angeles Port is the major point of entry for cargo ships from China and Southeast Asia into the U.S.

inventory quickly drying up, is that a bad thing?

yeah, it fucking is. for a lot of essential products, there is no ‘buy American’ option. shit like cellphones aren’t made here — and despite the Donny’ insistence that all this ‘disruption’ will be ‘temporary,’ factories take years to ramp up.

you’d think the prospects of empty shelves in supermarkets would have Donny and the Sewer Clowns running around with their hair on fire — but no, they’re blissfully in full denial mode.

reporter: “are you worried about empty shelves? because they say that a lot of these supply lines and the cargo ships are being held up. are you worried about empty shelves?”

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent: “not at present. we have some great retailers. I assumed they preordered. and then we will see how quickly the Chinese want to de-escalate.”

holy shit, the level of denial here is off the charts. retailers are on record saying they’re going to run out of inventory in ‘six to eight weeks’ and Bessent’s got his fingers in his ears, going ‘la la la la, I can’t hear you. I presume you preordered.’

Bessent is living in a dream world if he thinks it’s the Chinese who are going to end up on the losing end of this. he’s like the captain of the Titanic, assuring all the passengers that there’s nothing to worry about — the iceberg is going to blink first.

I’m beginning to think it was a mistake to hand our economy over to a bunch of out-of-touch gazillionaires who have never in their lives stepped inside a supermarket, and have no idea what it’s like to struggle to pay the bills.

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let’s close out today’s post on a high note.

folks, my good friend Eliza Gilkyson has a new album out: Dark Ages. here, listen to the title cut. trust me, you’ll fucking love it. can you guess who it’s about?

if you like what you hear, click over to her website, where her album is for sale. you’ll be glad you did.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.