loyal and patriotic citizens, please stand by for a message of the utmost importance from the President of the United States, Supreme Ruler of the Western Hemisphere, Lord-Emperor of the Sky Above and All the Planets, Conqueror Of Every War, God’s Own Avatar on Earth, Grand Renamer of Water, and the Dumbest Fucking Imbecile to Ever Shit Himself Raw In the Oval Bordello.
Kharg Island being blown to smithereens!!! President DJT
fact check: fuck off.
Kharg Island is, in fact, not being blown to smithereens. this ten-second video is the work of some six-fingered plagiarism robot. the only thing being blown to smithereens right now is the last shred of America’s dignity, as the world laughs — and then shakes its head sadly — at our Demented Boy King.
Preznit Fuckwit couldn’t blow Kharg Island to smithereens if he wanted to. he doesn’t have any ground troops in place, and his supply of missiles has been depleted.
what Donny is waging against Iran right now is some sort of Kabuki war, where every few weeks, he lobs a couple of our remaining missiles at some ambiguous target in Iran — as he did yesterday — and Iran retaliates by attacking one of our bases in the Middle East — as they did yesterday.
it’s all so fucking pointless, and it accomplishes nothing. the Strait of Hormuz remains virtually closed.
* * *
picture this: it’s 10:18 Sunday night in the White House. the diaper nurse — big, strong, with tears in her eyes — comes up to Dear Leader and goes, ‘sir! sir! look at this video of Kharg Island that I found online! sir!’ — and Donny replies, ‘hurr! hurr! smithereens! post that!’
the question must be asked: does Donny even know that what he’s looking at is AI-generated slop? does he thinks it’s real?
how fucking terrifying is it that we have to ask? how even more terrifying is it that we don’t know the answer?
of course, MAGA thinks it’s real, because MAGA has the collective intelligence of a gnat.
free clue for the cultists: of all the battles that have never happened, the Battle of Kharg Island is the one that has never happened the most.
* * *
meanwhile, Captain Crazypants and his creepy blonde stalker had themselves quite the day online, yesterday.
check out Donny, working himself into a five-alarm hissy because he saw Kristen Welker on NBC committing the unspeakably fiendish crime of stating an objective fact.
Kristen Welker, the Unpopular “Hostess” of the once great Meet the Press, now considered Meet the Fake Press, just stated that Donald Trump has “mixed results” on his Endorsements of Candidates
piss-baby tyrant says what? the guy who just posted a video of an imaginary battle has a lot of goddamned gall to call anything ‘fake news.’
Because of this purposeful inaccuracy, she will be reported to the FCC for rebuke or punishment.
Diaper Nurse Natalie wrote this post, didn’t she? Donny would never use a five-dollar word like ‘rebuke.’
oh goody, more Kabuki. Donny’s gonna huff and puff and go running to Brendan Carr and demand rebuke or punishment — and then he’s going to get distracted by the next shiny object that appears before him. THANK YOU FOR YOUR LACK OF ATTENTION SPAN TO THIS MATTER.
free clue for Donny and Natty: we still have a First Amendment in this country, and while Dear Leader can power-load as many diapers as he wants, he can’t do shit about hearing facts that hurt his fragile fee-fees.
I hope NBC tells the FCC to go fuck itself, just like ABC did last week.
Further escalating its battle with the Trump administration, ABC on Tuesday took the rare step of suing the Federal Communications Commission on First Amendment grounds, saying the agency's demand for early review of broadcast licenses posed an "existential threat" to its operations.
more like this, please.
by the way, the FCC does have an online complaint form that anyone can use.
unfortunately, ‘I’m a thin-skinned rage-monkey and NBC was very very mean to me’ is not an option in the drop-down menu.
let’s keep scrolling though Dear Leader’s crappy app, shall we?
oh dear, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is confabulating again.
Canadian businesses are pouring into the United States. We want to make our own cars, etc. That’s what’s going to happen. Canada has been ripping us off for years — NO LONGER! President DJT
really? is this true? I’m not seeing any evidence of this. there are no suspiciously polite businesses popping up in my home town. what about yours?
I smell a rat.
hey, six-fingered plagiarism robot, when you’re done rendering imaginary war videos for Dear Leader, can you tell us if it’s true that Canadian business are pouring into the US?
There is no concrete proof or data showing that Canadian businesses are actually pouring into the United States, despite a claim made by U.S. President Donald Trump.
so, Donny’s making shit up again. why am I not surprised?
why am I also not surprised that the very next post in Donny’s feed contradicts the first one, and practically begs Canadian businesses to relocate in the US?
Let all Canadian Companies that are doing business with America move to the United States, immediately. Many of them are Companies that moved out years ago due to stupid U.S. Leadership. When you move back, there are no TARIFFS! President DONALD J. TRUMP
it’s just pure, unadulterated incoherence from Donny and Natty, pretty much twenty-four hours a day. come on, get your stories straight, you two.
now, what the fuck is this even supposed to depict?
Donny and the stalker never actually look at what they post, do they? I guarantee that all Natty saw was the object of her affection, looking all super fucking powerful and manly, and went running to show it to him.
but what is actually going on? why is the American flag all tattered and full of holes? how did it get that way? did Donny do that? why is he walking away from it?
did Donny win the Battle of Tattered Flag?
none of it makes one lick of sense. it’s devoid of any meaning at all, and Donny’s feed is just littered with this kind of dumbfuckery, over and over and over, round the clock. it’s batshit insane.
she’s just as nutso as he is.
Donny and Natty do social media the same way they do everything else — by acting first and thinking never.
that’s great. two overgrown children, both of whom have completely broken with reality, are running the country — and one of them wasn’t even elected.
lucky us.
what could possibly go wrong?
let’s palate cleanse with this video that New York City’s communo-islamo-fascist Mayor, Zohran Mamdani, put up on social media yesterday.
he’s so fucking good at mayoring.
“New York, are you tired of waiting for your neighborhood park to get fixed? meet the Renew Crew: a squad of painters, plumbers, electricians and pros who will bring fast fixes to wherever they’re needed the most. if it’s faded, broken, cracked, or even just missing, the Renew Crew has it covered.”
no wonder Mamdani has every Republican shitting their pants right now. no wonder they’re all trying paint him as some kind of Sharia-law-happy terrorist. he’s so much better at retail politics than they will ever be.
he’s got charisma oozing out of every pore. he knows the right things to say. he knows how to connect with people.
but most importantly, he gets shit done.
imagine, a mayor that works for We the People, instead of the oligarchy. whooda thunk it?
don’t you wish we had a president like that?
oh, and bonus points to Mamdani and his team, for using the theme music from the TV show Parks and Recreation. that’s just pure awesome. chef’s kiss. ten out of ten. no notes.
hey, let’s do some Daily Claudia and get out of here, because I’ve already been prattling on for way too long.
here are two from the 1980s, taken by Ms Spouse’s bff Mandi, in her apartment.
have a great Monday, everyone. remember to think before you post.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
today in Shit That Happened While I Was Busy Writing This Shit—
zip. nada. bupkis. there's not a single news notification on my phone right now. not the NYTimes, not the WaPo, not the Guardian, not the BBC, not Al Jazeera.
it's the Monday before labor day. get ready for a very slow news week.
One of the funniest (and most telling) things about the unhinged love letters from the Diaper Nurse was seeing The random Use of capital Letters...