let me once more repeat my comment from previous days off, "by the way, I am very aware of how lucky and privileged I am. most people do not have a hundred thousand or more people who care about them. that has to make a difference in the grieving process. so, once again, thank you. I love you all"
Dear Jeff. As an “experienced” widow I am hopeful that you are ready to hear some tips that may help you get through this. 1). There are no rules about craziness in widowhood. I keep my late husband’s shower scrubby in a zip loc bag. 10 years later and I open it every Saturday night and take the deepest of whiffs…my God it still smells like him. When I die IDGAF if my kids spend the rest of their lives trying to figure out what that gross thing in my night stand is. 2) I stole some ashes from his urn before they were buried. I keep them in a small vase in my family room and talk to him and give the vase a little kiss whenever the hell I feel like it. Jeff, these crazy things have gotten me through the horror of losing him. My life is good; I do all kinds of interesting and fun things with my family and friends. But I haven’t left him behind because I don’t want to. Please navigate your way through this however the hell you need to. (Personally i think the Trump “after” party will help all of us.)
I quite agree Jill. I lost my husband three years ago after a horrendous battle with brain cancer. You do what you have to do to cope. Some days are pretty good, but when those depressing days rear their ugly head, you just have to go with the flow and cope the best you can. And there’s no time limit to grief, even though some may believe “you should be over it”. That was great advice you gave to Jeff, and all of us who’ve lost their soul mate. Thank you.
My husband died of colon cancer on Home Hospice. The first week I was almost giddy with relief that it was over. My God I made it all the way until the end. His suffering was over. I was done with his meds and changing him and bathing and giving enemas and calming him while he screamed in pain. It was over. I slept, literally, for most of the first week. A few days later the grief nightmare began. WTH how do people survive this? I needed someone, anyone, to just tell me to forget sanity, common sense, worrying about what others would think, being a role model for my kids. I finally got to that place after having a breakdown in the grocery store after walking past my husband’s favorite jelly. Fuck everything. I decided to stop swimming against the tide and just go with it. I am so sorry for your loss but am glad you were able to crawl out the other side of it, too. All new widows need to know it isn’t forever; we make friends with our grief and can love and miss them and be happy all at the same time. Just get through it. Damn it sucks.
I’ve managed to roll with the punches through out my life, but true grief is a total bitch. You eventually gain perspective but it creeps back in at the oddest moments. It’s a very lonely place to be.
Indeed. Just a few hours ago I was running some errands and had a flashback of something my beautiful husband said to me at least 15 years ago. The memory was beautiful; my crying not so much. On May 18 he will be gone 10 years.
I lost my husband 7 years ago to colon cancer. Sometimes I see a bike rider and call out his name. 🤷🏼♀️ sometimes I hear him snoring. Some days I hear a song and I cry. Grief is rolling waves of emotion. My siblings claim I’ve taken too long to grieve (our dad died unexpectedly 4 mos before my husband). They can suck it.
Thankfully, my husband is alive and right across the room from me.
My mom passed over two decades before my dad did, but the year after he died, I was in Walmart looking for a Christmas card for my husband and I noticed the section for Mom and Dad cards. It hit me then, I didn't need to purchase those anymore and I bawled like a lunatic.
WalMart is full of drama all the time. Nobody so much as blinked an eye.
Yesterday (I'm still on late at night Sunday time, er, Monday morning but who's counting?) my husband hied off to our accountant to get our taxes done. It's a bit of a drive, nearly into Manhattan. The man's quite lovely and was 'gifted' to us originally as a retirement perk. We still continue to use him despite our income being vastly reduced, just because - and he's worth it. I spend a lot of time re-sorting what hubby puts together, checking figures and facts and printing it all out (by hand) in the order I know he'll need, adding any questions I have. Hubby called me while there with a couple of questions from 'Mr. Berman' as he still refers to him hilariously (he's around the same age methinks - I could hear him calling his thank you for my meticulous work/told me he could tell that I used to do our taxes earlier in time) - and then informed me that 'if' something were to happen to him (hubby) what steps I needed to take in re the taxes. I couldn't help but flash: 'whaddaya mean 'If'? We're older, ONE of us is going to leave this Planet sooner or later and we'd both best be fairly prepared (bit my tongue though). Hubby simply isn't although I make suggestions about our pets and other things he HAS to handle if I go first. I've experienced deep grief but not of a spouse. Jill and all of you opened my own personal floodgates and I just 'saw' Jeff reading these while likewise 'bawling' like a baby. You've all done the rest of us a real service, so thank you, thank you, thank you! BE as crazy with grief as you need to be - we're all still here for it, and you. It becomes a mental health break for US as well...so Cry, scream, wallow, smell that scrubby, talk to your departed loved ones, yell FUCK at the tops of your voices if need be - even tell those who think they have the right to snidely ask if you 'don't think you've grieved enough' to go fuck themselves SIDEWAYS. Just remember that NO ONE knows exactly how YOU feel but so many of us here empathize with every bit of it. Hell, now my tears are flowing again. I love you all and stay safe...we need you.
I met someone Lori about 2 months ago, who lost her young (50s) husband suddenly, and two weeks later, her mother passed away unexpectedly from covid. These losses so close together are unimaginable,(I had to hug her) and everyone mourns differently. Don't listen to your siblings even if they are well meaning. There is no time limit. 🙏❤
My 43yr old daughter has Colon Cancer and I have been going through the worst anxiety attacks that are sometimes overwhelming and debilitating. Reading your, and Jill’s words, are making me cry. They are releasing tears of despair for my child, my SIL and Grandsons but they are also helping me recognize I’m not alone with my thoughts and feelings. Grief is grief whether it be for the ultimate loss of a spouse (albeit the love is “different” for a spouse vs. a child, but still an INTENSE love).
You, Jill, Susan and JEFF (who brought us together) are greatly appreciated, and Jeff, should you see this, thank you for being you and continue to do whatever it takes for YOU to get through any given day. We’re not going anywhere.
Oh Hollie - I just read your story about your daughter. I am SO sorry for what she's enduring - and for the rest of her family, including you, her husband and children. My heart hurts for you. Sending the biggest and warmest hug I can muster to ease your distress. Hold onto love. Elizabeth
😭😭 about his shower scrubby. Smell is the most evocative sense we have. If you plan on being cremated tell your kids and take him with you. Or if being buried take him with you too. Tape a note to the bag. I am crying.
Jill . . . I'm crying as I write this but it's a good cry. I have a tiny urn with some of my husband's ashes that the funeral home transferred from the large one. It's with the small urn with my sister's ashes and several collections of my beloved pets' ashes through the years. Every night I kiss them all and tell them how much I love and miss them My husband loved them all and I like to think they're all together somewhere. I also have a shopping list my father had written shortly before he went to the hospital. My belief is whatever it takes. Mental Health days are a must, Jeff. We love you and here we all are, in various states of aforementioned mental health.
Not quite the same but I still have a little packet containing a lock of fur from a dear dog who lived past twenty, in the little parking-meter-change drawer in my car, and sometimes I still tell him he's a good boy.
I have my darling doggyʻs baby teeth and some of his fur in a little box. He passed away in 2012. You can probably tell that I never had children - he was my baby.
Robert . . . That destroyed me. It's perfectly normal for people with normal feelings to have rituals like that. I have locks of hair, pinches of ashes, paw prints, even a nose print, on a shrine with my husband's ashes, my sister's ashes, photos, four candles, dog collars, and sympathy cards. Yes, it's cluttered. I don't care. My kids are going to have to hurl the whole thing in the oven at my cremation. Of course, I'm donating my body to a medical school so they're going to have to wait a year to do that. They have specific instructions. Note I said NORMAL feelings.
At one corner of our kitchen, the 'designer' left these weird little triangular shelves (far too small for anything other than a single vase). I use one for my Kaya's keepsake 'shrine': 2 photos, a lock of her fluffy white fur, her pink hearts collar, footprint, a dried rose, her dog tags. She preceded my current 2 Eskies - the best girl ever. She died in 2013 in my arms, gone much too soon of a weird 'water diabetes' no one had ever heard of: diabetes insipidus. 9yrs old. I miss her every day. I'd post her photo but don't know how to. We buried all of our pets on our large property here - our landscapers dug very deep as a favour to us so no one will ever know...there'd been some weird stories about the pet cremations out here so I didn't trust them. Grief is grief. We mourn for our fur babies as we do for any other deep loss. She's my screen saver so I say hello to her every time I log on - my beautiful girl. :'(
I have the ashes of 5 dogs and my only cat in their containers on top of my dresser with their collars and toys. I have one living dog right now, my girl Nova in my profile pic. I will give her ashes a place of honor as well when her time comes.
I see no craziness in any of this: instead, I see someone listening to the wisdom of love to cope with a shattering loss. May his memory be a blessing.
I think you have discovered one of the best plans, Jill. I will try and remember your “routine” should something like this happens before my own demise. Thanks!
When my dad passed, and he was the only family member who cared anything about me, my mother got rid of nearly every article of his clothing except the ones I wanted, a wool plaid shirt full of holes and a worn out leather bomber jacket. I don’t know what happened to the shirt, but of course the next time I saw the leather jacket it was on my sociopath no-longer-brother. I knew how that jacket would smell and I coveted it. Fat chance. But he made sure that I took ownership of his remaining tool collection (and his books) before he passed and that really burned my ex-brother. Neither sibling nor mother understood or cared what it was like to lose the only family member who loved me. It’s been 34 years. Now I truly have some remarkable memories and that’s what has survived. I cannot imagine losing my spouse and regularly pester him to take care of himself.
Jeff, I truly hope for you that this horrible time will eventually be paired with memories of the time we finally get rid of the orange knuckledragger.
YES! I cried all the way through and I'm not going through what you and so many others are right now. SUCH beautiful words which helped all of us, methinks.
You always deserve a day off. I'm laughing because you just can't quite take a day without pointing the finger at our worthless president and his clowns. Thank you, your readers appreciate that.
I think we would all agree that we are the lucky ones, Jeff. You gift us with your unparalled raging at the clowns in a way that makes us laugh and cringe.
I can't believe it's been two months. 😥 Take.all the time you need...but even in mourning, you are still the funniest. I imagine you and Claudia working side by side and howling with laughter over the years. You were probably each other's best audience.
Two things... "Donnyloarhing" Lol. And this:
"oh great. no diplomats. not one person whose profession is foreign policy. no one trained in the art of geopolitical negotiation. just two slumlords and a guy who fucks furniture."😂😂😂😂😂
Jeff, please take all the time you need. We have enough life experience between us all to know grief is an entry point to a door you never intended to walk through. Who you were will change, morphing into someone new, who holds an inner light for his dear Claudia. Meanwhile, we hold the light for and with you.
While I was watching Malcolm Nance, Jacob Kaarsbo and Wajeeh Lion discuss the Iran war today and the joke of the diplomacy with JD Vance, and the two other chuckleheads, they were pointing out that Trump threatened to block the SOH, and that he spent last night at the fake wrestling match.
I suggested in the chat that someone else set that activity up for him because they wanted him occupied during the evening hours of the negotiations so that he could not spend his entire time shit posting and destroying the negotiations before they started.
Malcolm said he had heard that during the negotiations Bibi Netanyahu called Vance right in the middle and after Vance got off the phone with him the talks went downhill. I imagined he said, "Save me from my court trial by messing things up!" Vance obliged. So, the oil prices will continue to rise, in fact most prices will continue to rise, and the US debt will continue to rise, while the stock market will fall, and the stockpile of weapons will fall too. The estimation that China has of our military capability against them will continue to fall, as they continue to send Iran military aid in the form of weapons. Iran shows that they can be judicious with their weapons, unlike us. "Waste not, want not" is not in Pete Hegseth's or Donald Trump's creed.
He's moved moved into negative territory. "Nothing" is no contribution. "Negative" is actively sucking the brains out of those around him. He's crossed that line.
I don’t give a shit about the price of gas. What I do care about is that we have a fucking madman as President who has already killed thousands of innocent Iranian civilians, including hundreds of kids! That’s what we should be screaming our asses off at our limp dick Republican Congress. Trump is a lost cause as we’ve always known. The Senate and House have the real blood on their hands.
You did! Had to refill the old coffee cup, as I re-read with glee.
You are a master at knitting together a myriad of freak happenings, and they just keep coming. Your head must also be exhausted. Please take as much time as you need. You brings us all great joy and we will be here. ❤️
Thanks Jeff. It's self care for us to read your posts. How egregiously insulting for them to send the Stooges and not the Secretary of State! But then, having to deal with Liddle Marco...
Between Witkoff and Kushner, they have the diplomatic experience and ability of a couple of cockroaches. DOGE got rid of so many experienced State Department people- there is a reason why people who are diplomats have always been part of negotiations in the past- as in they get it that you actually have to participate in give and take- not only "my way or the highway," as is Dear Leader's "art of the steal."
In fairness, DonnieDementia provides a daily, deep well of content. Hard to walk away from all that! Hope you take some time to touch grass, turn off the phone, and let let yourself relax, Jeff. Donnie will have refilled the well by tomorrow.
I’m So glad Ye’ve Something to keep Ye going Jeff.
We’d All be Lost without Ye.
Take All the time Ye need! The Pain Never goes away, - Ye just learn to live with it. Heartbreaking though it is… Time goes on regardless. Be Kind to yourself Jeff.
You did, and we’re happy to help with your self-care by reading your not-really-a-post posts. I hope you find a way to grieve that helps bring you peace today.
Even the holy Name of God, the God of life, is being dragged into discourses of death.”
“To world leaders, we cry out: stop! It is time for peace! Sit at the table of dialogue and mediation – not at the table where rearmament is planned and deadly actions are decided.”
“Enough of the idolatry of self and money! Enough of the display of power! Enough of war! True strength is shown in serving life,”
Six days a week is a sweatshop, and current events are worse than Upton Sinclair's slaughterhouses. Even Anne Frank didn't write an entry every single day. You're keeping a superbly profane record of this burning outhouse, and one day I hope President Cortez gives you the Medal of Freedom. You deserve it.
I can see you standing up there with Aaron Parnas, Heather Richardson, Kareem, Garrison Keillor, Ben Meiselas, and Lucian Truscott looking at the walls to see if there's still any trace of the plastic adhesive they used to stick up the gold filagree Trump demanded.
There is a new verb in the age of Trump. "Bombast" or "To Bombast". It's the dialect DJT speaks. He decidedly doesn't speak in a version of English any of us can understand. When Trump speaks he "Bombasts", making hyperbolic exaggerations, mostly lies and fantasies intended to create a strong emotional effect, usually hate or fear. The next time you read one of his crazy tweets or hear his vengeful comments to the press, just think..ohhh. The lunatic is "Bombasting". Ignore it. Don't succumb to "Trump Derangement Syndrome. No real POTUS speaks that way. Just go out and find a favorite candidate and few more Democratic votes for the midterms.
A week ago I was telling a couple of friends about my brother who owns a company that offers hyperbolic chamber therapy. Ha! Meant hyperBARIC, of course. We laughed a long time and then came up with various scenarios about PedoFelonAssHat47 and hyperbolic chambers.
This is so funny, and I love your name for the pedo. Hyperbolic chamber is a perfect spot for him, especially if we could seal it shut for ever and ever.
Reminded me of the wonderful ‘Farm Film Report’ in its explosive comment on “Blowed it up Real Good” . As to what blowed up real good and farming are combined I don’t know. I know that we got a lot of very funny Canadian comedians out of it, thank you Canada!
I think someone else (Miller) writes those tweets. Trump's an old man with fat fingers. He isn't capable of staying up all night coherently sending texts.
Somebody on another board suggested that the malady we see in his right hand is progressing to where it's interfering with his ability to thumb letters on his cell phone, so he dictates his screeds to some hapless secretary. Could be...
It must be. I text a lot, but I still have typos, contractions, and bad grammar. I find it hard to believe he writes coherently and accurately at all. Or that he would bother to edit.
There are words in there that he would never actually use or even know existed. Nosferatu or Cheung are my nominees, as they are both considerably short of sandwiches to qualify for a picnic
He has aides (Scavino IIRC is the name of the senior one) who take dictation from him when he is not able to post. The poorly connected stream of consciousness ramble is certainly from Dumb Antichrist.
Donnie has only one negotiating strategy, which is make demands, threaten and hope that the other side gives in. When that doesn’t work, he is absolutely helpless.
Iran played him again. Nothing says "bad faith negotiations" like sending two destroyers into the Strait of Hormuz in the middle of the meeting. The destroyers were turned back by Iran and the Pentagon lied to us about it. Then Iran immediately allowed a Chinese oil tanker to pass through and China sent more military support to Iran in exchange. But let's focus on a BS fake wrestling event in Miami.
Immortality comes through memory, reminiscence and especially through the act of just carrying on. Sadness will always accompany the reality, but grief concludes over time as her life is celebrated over her death being lamented. Good journey as we accompany you!
Jeff, glad you are sort of taking some days off...
Re "other countries joining the blockade" - really? are those countries in the room right now? which countries? are they saying "Please, sir, you are so strong let us blockade an already blocked strait with you?"
Also isn't taking a ship that belongs to another country that we aren't at war with illegal? Isn't that Piracy?
And he keeps saying Iran has no Navy anymore. Um, they still have a Navy. He's doing his whole magical lying thing: "maybe if I keep saying it, it will be real." Nope! He can say "Iran has no Navy" and click his heels 3 times and they will still have a Navy.
Jeff, my heart goes out to you. I know how devastating grief can be, and give it time and find comfort in friends and supporters. My deepest sorrow for you my friend,
let me once more repeat my comment from previous days off, "by the way, I am very aware of how lucky and privileged I am. most people do not have a hundred thousand or more people who care about them. that has to make a difference in the grieving process. so, once again, thank you. I love you all"
Dear Jeff. As an “experienced” widow I am hopeful that you are ready to hear some tips that may help you get through this. 1). There are no rules about craziness in widowhood. I keep my late husband’s shower scrubby in a zip loc bag. 10 years later and I open it every Saturday night and take the deepest of whiffs…my God it still smells like him. When I die IDGAF if my kids spend the rest of their lives trying to figure out what that gross thing in my night stand is. 2) I stole some ashes from his urn before they were buried. I keep them in a small vase in my family room and talk to him and give the vase a little kiss whenever the hell I feel like it. Jeff, these crazy things have gotten me through the horror of losing him. My life is good; I do all kinds of interesting and fun things with my family and friends. But I haven’t left him behind because I don’t want to. Please navigate your way through this however the hell you need to. (Personally i think the Trump “after” party will help all of us.)
I quite agree Jill. I lost my husband three years ago after a horrendous battle with brain cancer. You do what you have to do to cope. Some days are pretty good, but when those depressing days rear their ugly head, you just have to go with the flow and cope the best you can. And there’s no time limit to grief, even though some may believe “you should be over it”. That was great advice you gave to Jeff, and all of us who’ve lost their soul mate. Thank you.
My husband died of colon cancer on Home Hospice. The first week I was almost giddy with relief that it was over. My God I made it all the way until the end. His suffering was over. I was done with his meds and changing him and bathing and giving enemas and calming him while he screamed in pain. It was over. I slept, literally, for most of the first week. A few days later the grief nightmare began. WTH how do people survive this? I needed someone, anyone, to just tell me to forget sanity, common sense, worrying about what others would think, being a role model for my kids. I finally got to that place after having a breakdown in the grocery store after walking past my husband’s favorite jelly. Fuck everything. I decided to stop swimming against the tide and just go with it. I am so sorry for your loss but am glad you were able to crawl out the other side of it, too. All new widows need to know it isn’t forever; we make friends with our grief and can love and miss them and be happy all at the same time. Just get through it. Damn it sucks.
I’ve managed to roll with the punches through out my life, but true grief is a total bitch. You eventually gain perspective but it creeps back in at the oddest moments. It’s a very lonely place to be.
Indeed. Just a few hours ago I was running some errands and had a flashback of something my beautiful husband said to me at least 15 years ago. The memory was beautiful; my crying not so much. On May 18 he will be gone 10 years.
Be kind to yourself on that day Jill.
Susan Niemann is a regular commentator here and she too, lost her significant other,Tim, to colon cancer. She refers to Tim a lot.
There is no pain like that kind of pain.
It sure does😞
I lost my husband 7 years ago to colon cancer. Sometimes I see a bike rider and call out his name. 🤷🏼♀️ sometimes I hear him snoring. Some days I hear a song and I cry. Grief is rolling waves of emotion. My siblings claim I’ve taken too long to grieve (our dad died unexpectedly 4 mos before my husband). They can suck it.
Thankfully, my husband is alive and right across the room from me.
My mom passed over two decades before my dad did, but the year after he died, I was in Walmart looking for a Christmas card for my husband and I noticed the section for Mom and Dad cards. It hit me then, I didn't need to purchase those anymore and I bawled like a lunatic.
WalMart is full of drama all the time. Nobody so much as blinked an eye.
Yesterday (I'm still on late at night Sunday time, er, Monday morning but who's counting?) my husband hied off to our accountant to get our taxes done. It's a bit of a drive, nearly into Manhattan. The man's quite lovely and was 'gifted' to us originally as a retirement perk. We still continue to use him despite our income being vastly reduced, just because - and he's worth it. I spend a lot of time re-sorting what hubby puts together, checking figures and facts and printing it all out (by hand) in the order I know he'll need, adding any questions I have. Hubby called me while there with a couple of questions from 'Mr. Berman' as he still refers to him hilariously (he's around the same age methinks - I could hear him calling his thank you for my meticulous work/told me he could tell that I used to do our taxes earlier in time) - and then informed me that 'if' something were to happen to him (hubby) what steps I needed to take in re the taxes. I couldn't help but flash: 'whaddaya mean 'If'? We're older, ONE of us is going to leave this Planet sooner or later and we'd both best be fairly prepared (bit my tongue though). Hubby simply isn't although I make suggestions about our pets and other things he HAS to handle if I go first. I've experienced deep grief but not of a spouse. Jill and all of you opened my own personal floodgates and I just 'saw' Jeff reading these while likewise 'bawling' like a baby. You've all done the rest of us a real service, so thank you, thank you, thank you! BE as crazy with grief as you need to be - we're all still here for it, and you. It becomes a mental health break for US as well...so Cry, scream, wallow, smell that scrubby, talk to your departed loved ones, yell FUCK at the tops of your voices if need be - even tell those who think they have the right to snidely ask if you 'don't think you've grieved enough' to go fuck themselves SIDEWAYS. Just remember that NO ONE knows exactly how YOU feel but so many of us here empathize with every bit of it. Hell, now my tears are flowing again. I love you all and stay safe...we need you.
Awwwww. 😥🤗
I met someone Lori about 2 months ago, who lost her young (50s) husband suddenly, and two weeks later, her mother passed away unexpectedly from covid. These losses so close together are unimaginable,(I had to hug her) and everyone mourns differently. Don't listen to your siblings even if they are well meaning. There is no time limit. 🙏❤
Thank you too Michelle💗
My 43yr old daughter has Colon Cancer and I have been going through the worst anxiety attacks that are sometimes overwhelming and debilitating. Reading your, and Jill’s words, are making me cry. They are releasing tears of despair for my child, my SIL and Grandsons but they are also helping me recognize I’m not alone with my thoughts and feelings. Grief is grief whether it be for the ultimate loss of a spouse (albeit the love is “different” for a spouse vs. a child, but still an INTENSE love).
You, Jill, Susan and JEFF (who brought us together) are greatly appreciated, and Jeff, should you see this, thank you for being you and continue to do whatever it takes for YOU to get through any given day. We’re not going anywhere.
Oh Hollie - I just read your story about your daughter. I am SO sorry for what she's enduring - and for the rest of her family, including you, her husband and children. My heart hurts for you. Sending the biggest and warmest hug I can muster to ease your distress. Hold onto love. Elizabeth
Thank you Elizabeth❣️
😭😭 about his shower scrubby. Smell is the most evocative sense we have. If you plan on being cremated tell your kids and take him with you. Or if being buried take him with you too. Tape a note to the bag. I am crying.
That is beautiful,Jill.
Thank you, David. It is definitely heartfelt. It feels good to share.
Jill . . . I'm crying as I write this but it's a good cry. I have a tiny urn with some of my husband's ashes that the funeral home transferred from the large one. It's with the small urn with my sister's ashes and several collections of my beloved pets' ashes through the years. Every night I kiss them all and tell them how much I love and miss them My husband loved them all and I like to think they're all together somewhere. I also have a shopping list my father had written shortly before he went to the hospital. My belief is whatever it takes. Mental Health days are a must, Jeff. We love you and here we all are, in various states of aforementioned mental health.
This thread is killing me 😭😭❤
Me too.
What lovely rituals you've created to honor your husband's memory.
Not quite the same but I still have a little packet containing a lock of fur from a dear dog who lived past twenty, in the little parking-meter-change drawer in my car, and sometimes I still tell him he's a good boy.
I have my darling doggyʻs baby teeth and some of his fur in a little box. He passed away in 2012. You can probably tell that I never had children - he was my baby.
😭😭
Robert . . . That destroyed me. It's perfectly normal for people with normal feelings to have rituals like that. I have locks of hair, pinches of ashes, paw prints, even a nose print, on a shrine with my husband's ashes, my sister's ashes, photos, four candles, dog collars, and sympathy cards. Yes, it's cluttered. I don't care. My kids are going to have to hurl the whole thing in the oven at my cremation. Of course, I'm donating my body to a medical school so they're going to have to wait a year to do that. They have specific instructions. Note I said NORMAL feelings.
At one corner of our kitchen, the 'designer' left these weird little triangular shelves (far too small for anything other than a single vase). I use one for my Kaya's keepsake 'shrine': 2 photos, a lock of her fluffy white fur, her pink hearts collar, footprint, a dried rose, her dog tags. She preceded my current 2 Eskies - the best girl ever. She died in 2013 in my arms, gone much too soon of a weird 'water diabetes' no one had ever heard of: diabetes insipidus. 9yrs old. I miss her every day. I'd post her photo but don't know how to. We buried all of our pets on our large property here - our landscapers dug very deep as a favour to us so no one will ever know...there'd been some weird stories about the pet cremations out here so I didn't trust them. Grief is grief. We mourn for our fur babies as we do for any other deep loss. She's my screen saver so I say hello to her every time I log on - my beautiful girl. :'(
How very sweet, Robert!
I have the ashes of 5 dogs and my only cat in their containers on top of my dresser with their collars and toys. I have one living dog right now, my girl Nova in my profile pic. I will give her ashes a place of honor as well when her time comes.
Losing a beloved pet is awful, Robert. I went through that three years ago. It is the same in many ways as far as grief goes.
OMG this one just killed me. 😭😭 what a beautiful comment. I still cry for my childhood dog who died over 50 years ago. Love is love. ❤
I see no craziness in any of this: instead, I see someone listening to the wisdom of love to cope with a shattering loss. May his memory be a blessing.
I think you have discovered one of the best plans, Jill. I will try and remember your “routine” should something like this happens before my own demise. Thanks!
This is the most beautiful bit of advice I've ever read 🥹.
Thank you for the tips! We are at the age when if it hasn't happened, we fear it. Love to you...
When my dad passed, and he was the only family member who cared anything about me, my mother got rid of nearly every article of his clothing except the ones I wanted, a wool plaid shirt full of holes and a worn out leather bomber jacket. I don’t know what happened to the shirt, but of course the next time I saw the leather jacket it was on my sociopath no-longer-brother. I knew how that jacket would smell and I coveted it. Fat chance. But he made sure that I took ownership of his remaining tool collection (and his books) before he passed and that really burned my ex-brother. Neither sibling nor mother understood or cared what it was like to lose the only family member who loved me. It’s been 34 years. Now I truly have some remarkable memories and that’s what has survived. I cannot imagine losing my spouse and regularly pester him to take care of himself.
Jeff, I truly hope for you that this horrible time will eventually be paired with memories of the time we finally get rid of the orange knuckledragger.
Thank you for sharing those personal things, Jill. I’m glad you have a few ways to stay connected to him.
Jill, that was BEAUTIFUL ❣️💗Can’t say much more bc of my tears 😭 Thank you.
YES! I cried all the way through and I'm not going through what you and so many others are right now. SUCH beautiful words which helped all of us, methinks.
One day at a time, Jeff. ❤️
And sometimes one hour. ❤️🩹
And some days it is minute by minute.
You always deserve a day off. I'm laughing because you just can't quite take a day without pointing the finger at our worthless president and his clowns. Thank you, your readers appreciate that.
I think about what you must have gone through on that awful morning. Wishing you all the comfort in the world.
Take care Jeff. 💔
Sending hugs and support to you and your family. May Ms. Spouse's memory be a blessing.
What you get back from us is not happenstance. You’re a gift to us all.
💕🤗💕
I think we would all agree that we are the lucky ones, Jeff. You gift us with your unparalled raging at the clowns in a way that makes us laugh and cringe.
Mr. Mild-BlueVotingBastard, Well said!!
I can't believe it's been two months. 😥 Take.all the time you need...but even in mourning, you are still the funniest. I imagine you and Claudia working side by side and howling with laughter over the years. You were probably each other's best audience.
Two things... "Donnyloarhing" Lol. And this:
"oh great. no diplomats. not one person whose profession is foreign policy. no one trained in the art of geopolitical negotiation. just two slumlords and a guy who fucks furniture."😂😂😂😂😂
We love you 🙏❤
Jeff, please take all the time you need. We have enough life experience between us all to know grief is an entry point to a door you never intended to walk through. Who you were will change, morphing into someone new, who holds an inner light for his dear Claudia. Meanwhile, we hold the light for and with you.
Oh, that's just lovely, Lucinda. So many on this thread are ripping my own heart to shreds with their wonderful words of compassion and love.
Beautiful! There is strength in numbers as we all hold the light for each other.
Grief is very difficult & never truly goes away, we just learn how to live differently with it. Xx
We love ya Jeff. Take care of yourself.
Continuing to keep you and your family in my heart. ❤️
Thoughts are with you Jeff. It will take time.
💪🏻💙
oh jeez, I wrote a near-full-length post, didn't I. I SWEAR I DIDN'T INTEND TO. but writing is my self-care, and once I get started it's hard to stop
Bonus for us!
Yes!!! JT is AMAZING!!! ❤️
While I was watching Malcolm Nance, Jacob Kaarsbo and Wajeeh Lion discuss the Iran war today and the joke of the diplomacy with JD Vance, and the two other chuckleheads, they were pointing out that Trump threatened to block the SOH, and that he spent last night at the fake wrestling match.
I suggested in the chat that someone else set that activity up for him because they wanted him occupied during the evening hours of the negotiations so that he could not spend his entire time shit posting and destroying the negotiations before they started.
Malcolm said he had heard that during the negotiations Bibi Netanyahu called Vance right in the middle and after Vance got off the phone with him the talks went downhill. I imagined he said, "Save me from my court trial by messing things up!" Vance obliged. So, the oil prices will continue to rise, in fact most prices will continue to rise, and the US debt will continue to rise, while the stock market will fall, and the stockpile of weapons will fall too. The estimation that China has of our military capability against them will continue to fall, as they continue to send Iran military aid in the form of weapons. Iran shows that they can be judicious with their weapons, unlike us. "Waste not, want not" is not in Pete Hegseth's or Donald Trump's creed.
Stupid is truly not a valid description of JD, is it? He’s got nothing. He is a nothing.
He's moved moved into negative territory. "Nothing" is no contribution. "Negative" is actively sucking the brains out of those around him. He's crossed that line.
Excellent point!
I don’t give a shit about the price of gas. What I do care about is that we have a fucking madman as President who has already killed thousands of innocent Iranian civilians, including hundreds of kids! That’s what we should be screaming our asses off at our limp dick Republican Congress. Trump is a lost cause as we’ve always known. The Senate and House have the real blood on their hands.
You did! Had to refill the old coffee cup, as I re-read with glee.
You are a master at knitting together a myriad of freak happenings, and they just keep coming. Your head must also be exhausted. Please take as much time as you need. You brings us all great joy and we will be here. ❤️
Correction: You “bring” us all great joy …
Yikes, beginning to sound like Melania here.
Ha. MelaniaSpeak!
🫢
Like Yoda-speak!
But I can understand Yoda, her not so much!
*Understand Yoda, I can
Her own fake coin and language: $melania
Thanks,I’d rather not.
Be best😂
🤣
Typo, lighten up.
We call it ‘the weave’ but this is not the fake weave that knits lies together such as dopey don says like he is making any sense whatsoever.
I went through a rough period a few years back. I got a lot of solace from Harold Kushner's 'When Bad Things Happen to Good People'.
Poor Harold had a bad thing happen when others with the same name, presumably not related, sullied that name
Thanks Jeff. It's self care for us to read your posts. How egregiously insulting for them to send the Stooges and not the Secretary of State! But then, having to deal with Liddle Marco...
Kushner was sent to determine how money he and Trump could personally get from them.
Right on
To make an offer on waterfront property for a luxury resort.
🎯
Between Witkoff and Kushner, they have the diplomatic experience and ability of a couple of cockroaches. DOGE got rid of so many experienced State Department people- there is a reason why people who are diplomats have always been part of negotiations in the past- as in they get it that you actually have to participate in give and take- not only "my way or the highway," as is Dear Leader's "art of the steal."
In fairness, DonnieDementia provides a daily, deep well of content. Hard to walk away from all that! Hope you take some time to touch grass, turn off the phone, and let let yourself relax, Jeff. Donnie will have refilled the well by tomorrow.
Ain't that the truth. There's no end to the mind-numbing chaos and destruction this regime is inflicting.
I LONG for the day when I wake up and never have to think about that gelatinous orange blob ever again!
Thank you for "gelatinous orange blob" in all its glorious accuracy.
Please keep "self-caring" all you need to, Jeff. We 💓 you!
Once you start with these clowns, you can never stop!
“They write themselves” :)
I’m So glad Ye’ve Something to keep Ye going Jeff.
We’d All be Lost without Ye.
Take All the time Ye need! The Pain Never goes away, - Ye just learn to live with it. Heartbreaking though it is… Time goes on regardless. Be Kind to yourself Jeff.
Take Care. Love from Ireland💚
Yup, you sure did.
You did, and we’re happy to help with your self-care by reading your not-really-a-post posts. I hope you find a way to grieve that helps bring you peace today.
You know Claudia is sitting on your shoulder, egging you on every bit of the way--and both of you love it! (So do we!)
Yeah, it was pretty long. The Blockade, though. What are these people thinking?
You do that every time, Jeff.🤪
However it has to come out!!!
We got lucky❤️
The image of the Vance, Witless and Jared nobody as The Three Stooges is not one I can stop thinking about! Hilarious. Take care Jeff.
The Pope's Message to our bombast brained leader:
Even the holy Name of God, the God of life, is being dragged into discourses of death.”
“To world leaders, we cry out: stop! It is time for peace! Sit at the table of dialogue and mediation – not at the table where rearmament is planned and deadly actions are decided.”
“Enough of the idolatry of self and money! Enough of the display of power! Enough of war! True strength is shown in serving life,”
Not a Catholic, but I’m a fan of Pope Bob from Chicago.
I'm an athiest....& I feel the same. 👍
Thank you Pope - but unfortunately it doesn’t look like this is going to happen.
You're great, Jeff. Always inspiring.
Six days a week is a sweatshop, and current events are worse than Upton Sinclair's slaughterhouses. Even Anne Frank didn't write an entry every single day. You're keeping a superbly profane record of this burning outhouse, and one day I hope President Cortez gives you the Medal of Freedom. You deserve it.
I can see you standing up there with Aaron Parnas, Heather Richardson, Kareem, Garrison Keillor, Ben Meiselas, and Lucian Truscott looking at the walls to see if there's still any trace of the plastic adhesive they used to stick up the gold filagree Trump demanded.
And Jay Kuo
I haven't read Jay Kuo yet! I will check it out! Thanks :-)
He is awesome
My two favorite men to read Saturdays; always!
Excellent. Please add Joyce Vance and Andy Borowitz to that list. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
We all need a mental health break even if we think it ain’t broke. We got you, Jeff.
There is a new verb in the age of Trump. "Bombast" or "To Bombast". It's the dialect DJT speaks. He decidedly doesn't speak in a version of English any of us can understand. When Trump speaks he "Bombasts", making hyperbolic exaggerations, mostly lies and fantasies intended to create a strong emotional effect, usually hate or fear. The next time you read one of his crazy tweets or hear his vengeful comments to the press, just think..ohhh. The lunatic is "Bombasting". Ignore it. Don't succumb to "Trump Derangement Syndrome. No real POTUS speaks that way. Just go out and find a favorite candidate and few more Democratic votes for the midterms.
A week ago I was telling a couple of friends about my brother who owns a company that offers hyperbolic chamber therapy. Ha! Meant hyperBARIC, of course. We laughed a long time and then came up with various scenarios about PedoFelonAssHat47 and hyperbolic chambers.
👍🏻👍🏻🤣 thank you! I’m keeping that one!
This is so funny, and I love your name for the pedo. Hyperbolic chamber is a perfect spot for him, especially if we could seal it shut for ever and ever.
Reminded me of the wonderful ‘Farm Film Report’ in its explosive comment on “Blowed it up Real Good” . As to what blowed up real good and farming are combined I don’t know. I know that we got a lot of very funny Canadian comedians out of it, thank you Canada!
He’s not bombasting cause he can’t write those long posts - it’s done by his flunkies— does he even read such a long post before putting it out there?
WHO KNOWS? This is government by social media - which is ridiculous!
I think someone else (Miller) writes those tweets. Trump's an old man with fat fingers. He isn't capable of staying up all night coherently sending texts.
Somebody on another board suggested that the malady we see in his right hand is progressing to where it's interfering with his ability to thumb letters on his cell phone, so he dictates his screeds to some hapless secretary. Could be...
He probably bleats his shit into his phone using audio record and some asswipe staffer follows up with a punctuation or spelling edit before posting.
It must be. I text a lot, but I still have typos, contractions, and bad grammar. I find it hard to believe he writes coherently and accurately at all. Or that he would bother to edit.
There are words in there that he would never actually use or even know existed. Nosferatu or Cheung are my nominees, as they are both considerably short of sandwiches to qualify for a picnic
He has aides (Scavino IIRC is the name of the senior one) who take dictation from him when he is not able to post. The poorly connected stream of consciousness ramble is certainly from Dumb Antichrist.
Or just have him professionally exterminated like any vermin that infects others. No more mind-games required.
We are still here for you. Grieving has no boundaries. Take care of yourself. We will be waiting with open arms.
God Bless Claudia -she is always with us .
Donnie has only one negotiating strategy, which is make demands, threaten and hope that the other side gives in. When that doesn’t work, he is absolutely helpless.
Pure & unadulterated NARCISSISM. The entire world suffers because of this putz defective behavior!
The whole world suffers because key people in key places are cowards who won’t stand up. From Bill Barr on.
I have never seen such weak compromised men. They have fucked the world. 🌎
Hopefully we can remember ‘quaint old-fashioned human values’ after this debacle :/ (IF YR GOING THRU HELL - KEEP GOING‼️) 💀🙏
As I like to point out, he was never a successful businessman. He merely played one on a TV game show.
Nobody can clean up his mess for him this time.
👆😓
Don't forget the lying he relentlessly does to turn fuckups into triumphs
When Trump threatens the other side only gives in when they see they will either gain or lose financially (see Amazon, Oracle, Apple, etc).
Iran has been preparing for total war with the US and Israel for nearly 50 years. They will no cower and back down to threats from idiots.
Trump to Iran: You think you’re gonna block the Straight of Hormuz? Not if I block it first! He’s unraveling like a cheap suit.
But if does insist on using a preemptive statement, might I suggest, “You can’t fire me; I quit.” I’ve got the champagne chilling for the one.
Steph- a malignant narcissist quit???? He won’t - it’s nice to think that could happen, but it’s not.
He is a cheap suit.
He's "a bag of shit stuffed into a cheap suit." -Joe vs. the Volcano
Let's see how far he takes it. If he starts to stop ships of our supposed allies, that makes him guilty of piracy.
Iran played him again. Nothing says "bad faith negotiations" like sending two destroyers into the Strait of Hormuz in the middle of the meeting. The destroyers were turned back by Iran and the Pentagon lied to us about it. Then Iran immediately allowed a Chinese oil tanker to pass through and China sent more military support to Iran in exchange. But let's focus on a BS fake wrestling event in Miami.
Immortality comes through memory, reminiscence and especially through the act of just carrying on. Sadness will always accompany the reality, but grief concludes over time as her life is celebrated over her death being lamented. Good journey as we accompany you!
I WILL BLOCK THE STRAIT!
But Iran has blocked the strait
So I'll watch wrestling
I am a tough man
So I block what's already
Been blocked Yeah makes sense
Gasoline is high
But don't worry, I'll fix it
By blocking the strait
Senselessly stupid
Works when your cultists don't care
'bout reality
His minions wish that
Instead of the Strait he would
Block his damned colon
I will treat them to
A mighty blast of my gas!
Hmm, why do they gag?
Not my original thought, but not only does the Iranian regime hold all the cards, they have a Strait. - Dave A.
Trump needs a straight flush. . .right out of office
And Hormuz needs a Strait flush
(sorry)
Prince Andrew got a Royal flush
P123, good one!!😁
Someone added ‘AND they’re flush with oil…”
🥁ba dum tiss!
😏
He wants his cut of the gate fees...it's always about the Benjamins...
He is mad that he didn't think of it first.
Jeff, glad you are sort of taking some days off...
Re "other countries joining the blockade" - really? are those countries in the room right now? which countries? are they saying "Please, sir, you are so strong let us blockade an already blocked strait with you?"
Also isn't taking a ship that belongs to another country that we aren't at war with illegal? Isn't that Piracy?
GET ME TO ANOTHER TIMELINE.
And he keeps saying Iran has no Navy anymore. Um, they still have a Navy. He's doing his whole magical lying thing: "maybe if I keep saying it, it will be real." Nope! He can say "Iran has no Navy" and click his heels 3 times and they will still have a Navy.
Right, can you imagine NATO joining the blockade? The Scandinavian countries? Japan?
Jeff, my heart goes out to you. I know how devastating grief can be, and give it time and find comfort in friends and supporters. My deepest sorrow for you my friend,
I used this poem for my sister's memorial service.
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf
So Eden sank to grief
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay
-Robert Frost
Beautiful
That’s very lovely. Thank you for sharing. 💜