so there we all were, just trying to make it though another fucked-up Monday, when out of the clear blue, we got hit with the News of the Century:

after three months of being hidden away from the public, Mitch McConnell was on his way to the Senate.

holy shit-kadoodle, Batman! he’s alive!

but then we got the video of The Esteemed Senator Turtlehump being wheeled out of his terrarium, and it was a big bowl of what in the actual fuck?

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what bill of goods are we being sold here?

okay, there’s Mitch, clearly most sincerely not dead — but does he really look alive? we see him being wheelchaired from his doorway to his waiting car, but do we really see any sense of cognition — any sign at all that Mitch has any idea where he is, or what is happening to him?

even presidential side-piece Laura Loopy was all what on God’s green shitpile are they trying to pull?

Like I said, Mitch is brain dead. You can’t look at his face and say he’s not a vegetable. He’s not even responding to cognition tests. It’s like wheeling a corpse around. Worse than what the Democrats did with Joe Biden to be honest. He looks incapacitated. Brain dead.

the thing is, Laura’s not wrong. (I mean, not the part about Joe Biden, duh.) Mitch is clearly unwell.

later, when the MitchBot5000 showed up in the Senate, reporters were banned from recording video.

Some more photos of McConnell as he returned to the Senate for the first time in three months following a fall at his D.C. home.

Reporters were barred from recording video

perfectly normal stuff, am I right?

please do not record the senator while he is making grunting noises and shitting himself.

I mean, how do we know that’s not what Mitch is doing? they won’t allow us to find out.

could Mitch McConnell’s handlers kindly stop pissing on our heads and telling us it’s raining? it’s been over three months since McConnell was found unconscious on the floor of his house, and taken away in an ambulance. in all that time, there hadn’t been one single shred of evidence that Mitch was cognizant, or even alive. now that he’s finally here in front of us, all we want is an answer to a single question: is he competent to do his job? but instead of getting any answer from Team Mitch, we’re just cordially invited to go fuck ourselves.

what the hell? if McConnell is actually aware of his surroundings, why can’t we get any proof of it?

this is not how a functioning government works. this is how a clown show works.

wheeling Zombie Mitch from place to place is just elder abuse at this point. why is he being dog-and-ponied around? is it because he grunted ‘iwaaaagwrrrrg’ and one of his handlers went, ‘Mitch says he wants to go to work’?

fuck off, Mitch. stay home. you’ve had a long, distinguished career of being the most evil person in the Senate, making life worse for We the People. bravo. job well done.

now step down, and try to enjoy what remains of your life.

* * *

there really need to be term limits, or age limits, in the Senate. look at Chuck Grassley. he’s 92. this session, he’s going to be expected to vote on things like data centers and AI. does he have the capacity to understand those issues? and it’s a bipartisan problem. three years ago, Democrat Dianne Feinstein died while in office at age 90. like McConnell, she had absent from the Senate for months, and when she finally returned, it was obvious that her brain had gone fuckity-bye.

When the fellow reporter asked her what the response from her colleagues had been like since her return, though, the conversation took an odd turn.

“No, I haven’t been gone,” she said.

four months after that conversation, she dropped dead. here’s what I wrote at the time.

look: I get why ancient Senators refuse to step down. it’s a cush job. the perks are awesome: power. free healthcare. a staff. travel. your face on TV. you don’t really have to work very hard, and you get shitloads of time off. and if you live in a safe, deeply-red or deeply-blue state, you don’t even have to campaign all that strenuously.

hell, I wouldn’t quit that job. would you?

of course you wouldn’t. you had to pry Dianne Feinstein’s job out of her cold, dead hands. is Mitch McConnell next?

come on, this shit ain’t supportable. term limits, now.

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here’s some other cheery news we got yesterday. it turns out that some Putin-linked Russian oligarch bankrolled First Failson Cokey McSniffles’ lavish, private-island wedding.

New: Russian oligarch Umar Kremlev footed the bill for hundreds of thousands of dollars of wedding expenses at Donald Trump Jr.’s lavish wedding, including renting out a private island and paying for the fireworks show.

perfectly normal stuff, am I right? I mean, who among us hasn’t had some corrupt crony of Putin’s drop a couple-hundred thou in our lap, so we can get hitched in style?

National security experts expressed alarm at Trump Jr. accepting the oligarch’s largesse, saying it raised an urgent question: What motivated Kremlev to spend a fortune cultivating the connection?

“If I’m paying for your wedding, at some point, you’re going to owe me something,” said Frank Montoya Jr., a retired career FBI official who held senior counterintelligence roles.

no fucking duh. of course Mister Oligarch is going to expect something in return. that’s how this ‘enjoy your free wedding’ shit works. at this point, I think I’d be shocked if Donny and his family managed to do something that wasn’t corrupt.

naturally, House Republicans swore to get to the bottom of this scandal, vowing to immediately open hearings.

no, wait — what am I saying? Republicans didn’t promise to do any of that shit. instead, they had the most predictable response in the universe: look over there, it’s Hunter Biden!

Florida Rep Anna Paulina Luna: “there’s no evidence. we opened an investigation into Hunter Biden because of the evidence in the laptop that specifically pertained to influence peddling, and unless there’s a laptop that comes out with specific criminal evidence, I don’t think that opening up an investigation into Don Jr.’s wedding party is something that's a good use of taxpayer dollars.”

holy shit, An Appalling Lunatic is more brain-dead than Mitch McConnell. not this again. there was never any Hunter Biden laptop. what there was, was a tampered-with hard drive that someone claimed had come from Hunter Biden’s laptop.

in Don Jr.’s case, we don’t need anyone to gin up fake evidence. we’ve got evidence up the yin-yang. over to you, ProPublica.

Kremlev footed the bill for hundreds of thousands of dollars of wedding expenses, according to records reviewed by ProPublica and interviews with three people familiar with the event.

In response to detailed questions, a spokesperson for Trump Jr. did not dispute the wedding payments from Kremlev. “Umar is a personal friend of Don,” he said.

can someone please copy the ProPublica article onto a laptop, and claim it came from Hunter Biden? maybe we can trick these Republican shitweasels into investigating it.

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yesterday, the dumbest fucking moron in the known multiverse spent an entire day power-loading an infinite series of diapers, because AI.

Concerning AI, when, in the History of Business, did anyone see the Leaders of an Industry call for Regulation that, if strongly implemented, will drive them into oblivion and bankruptcy? AI taking over the World, destroying Humanity, and all other things bad, is a HOAX.

what Dear Leader was reacting to were the multiple stories that have been in the news lately about how the three largest AI honchos have all called for putting the brakes on the current race to build the smartest six-fingered plagiarism robots possible, lest these super-smart AIs start running wild and doing shit we can no longer control.

Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei published an essay asking that the pace of capability advance be slowed and committing his own company to embed outside evaluators with employee-level access. Sam Altman agreed and said OpenAI would do likewise. Elon Musk … wrote three words: “Dario is right.” Three rival laboratories in the most valuable commercial race on earth asked to be restrained, against their own immediate interest.

and that came right on the heels of this cheery news.

For three years, Jacob Coxon helped train increasingly powerful AI systems at OpenAI and Anthropic. On Sept. 8, he walked away.

“I resigned from Anthropic today,” Coxon posted on X. “Neither company is acting responsibly. They are racing straight to self-improving superintelligence and gambling with our lives.” His dire warning amassed more than 90 million views in less than 24 hours.

tell me, is it a bad sign when the guy who helped invent AI tech gets so terrified of what he’s done that he quits his job and starts blowing the whistle — and then, his own boss and the boss’s own cronies go ‘oh fuck, he’s right, this shit’s hella evil’?

that sounds pretty fucking terrifying to me. isn’t that the plot of umpteen science fiction books any movies — some rogue AI decides that humanity needs to be killed to death — or turned into batteries?

literally everyone is concerned right now that the rush to build ever-smart AIs is a bad idea that’s in need of regulation: We the People, our elected officials — and even the homies who built the damned things. shouldn’t that tell you that something in fact needs to be done?

oh no, wait. there’s one dumb asshole who’s totally down with letting AI do its evil, unregulated thing — and he’s pulled out his favorite word: hoax.

I am the Hoax Buster, and I’m right now breaking another Hoax — That AI is going to take over, consume, and destroy the World, and that Robots will be marching into our Cities, and getting rid of us all! This is even wilder than the RUSSIA, RUSSIA, RUSSIA HOAX, or the Global Warming Scam. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP

this fucking idiot — everything he doesn’t like is a hoax. yeah, as if the tech bros now clanging the alarms are hoaxing themselves. cool story.

why is Donny so dead-set against regulating the development of plagiarism robots ? because, as Robert Reich reports in his post from this morning, he and his failsons stand to make a mint off of AI tech.

So what explains Trump’s absolute refusal to regulate AI? Could it possibly be that he and his family have personal financial stakes in it?

Indeed, Donald Jr. and Eric Trump have invested substantially in American Data Centers, a firm created to support AI cloud computing and AI infrastructure.

remember what I said earlier about how, ‘at this point, I think I’d be shocked if Donny and his family managed to do something that wasn’t corrupt’?

but Donny says not to worry, because he knows more about six-fingered plagiarism robots than all the six-fingered plagiarism robots — and he knows exactly what’s needed to keep things from getting out of hand.

The only control or “guardrails” that AI needs is a STRONG AND SMART (High IQ!) PRESIDENT

so that’s all we need, to keep from ending up as batteries to power the matrix? a smart president?

oh shit, we’re fucked.

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we might as well have us some Daily Claudia, as we wait for our new AI overlords to enslave us.

here are two photos of Katie and her mom from the mid-1990s. this first one’s on a boat off the shore of Newport, Rhode Island.

and I believe this second one is from Plymouth, Mass.

have a great Tuesday, everyone. remember: I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

someone please explain to me, what the fuck was Donny’s Big Irish Adventure all about? what was the point?

as everything goes to shit, and the cost of living grows ever higher — as We the People struggle to pay for basic goods and services — America’s Mad King wasted countless millions of taxpayer dollars, just so that he and his beloved diaper nurse could have a 48-hour golf motel holiday in Ireland.

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I mean, look at all this pomp and circumstance.

Donny’s entourage — his donterage, if you will — comprised 34 vehicles and 19 motorcycles. all that rolling hardware had to be flown in from Washington DC, on five U.S. Air Force C-17 Globemaster cargo planes — because, spoiler alert, it turns out that you can’t call the Dublin office of Enterprise Rent-a-Car and ask for 34 armored, secure limousines. apparently, they don’t keep that kind of shit on hand. who even knew?

so, who pays for all that? you and me, that’s who. all so Donny and Natty can play patty-cake in a different time zone.

fuck that. if Dear Leader wants to hang with the Carrier of the Royal Diaper Bag, and watch her bray like some love-smitten hyena, let him do it at home. if he’s so horny to be at one of his golf motels, he’s got plenty of them right here in the good old US of A.

it’s been a minute, so let’s check in with the Donny Golf Tracker.

look that. our Golfer-in-Chief has spent almost a quarter of his second term on a course. let him do that shit locally. let him cross the Potomac into Arlington, and save the taxpayers the cost of five military transport planes.

everything Donny got up to on his 48-hour Irish vacation could have been done right here at home.

if Agolf Shitler wants to be mocked by protesters everywhere he goes, there’s no need to travel anywhere. all he has to do is wait until next month’s No Kings Day Four. we’re going to make that shit wild. we’d be all too happy to find some protesters willing to spell out the c-word, just as they did yesterday at his Doonbeg golf motel.

Protesters at the Irish Open. shitler’s international golf links and hotel Doonbeg, Ireland. Thank you, Doonbeg!

I’m sure we can even find balloon makers in every major American city, willing to gin-up Donny getting railed from behind.

if Donny wanted to be pantsed by a world leader, he could have done an Oval Bordello dog-and-pony show. he didn’t have to go all the way to Dublin.

in fact, Donny’s twenty-minute face-to-face with Ireland’s President Catherine Connolly — during which she told him in no uncertain terms to cut the bullshit in the Middle East — could have been an email.

oh wait, the stupid shit doesn’t do email. he’s illiterate. my bad for even suggesting it.

if Dear Leader wants to whine like a colicky piss-baby, there’s no need to do it on some Irish tarmac.

Q: “Your approval is really low in Ireland…Do you think those polls are incorrect?”

Trump: “I think the polls are fake. My approval rating in Ireland is good. My approval rating in the U.S. is great.”

I love how in Donny’s rotting mind, he imagines there’s some international conspiracy of '‘fake polls’ that follow him around from country to country.

free clue, bro: you’re hated everywhere you go, because you fucking suck.

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if Donny wanted to humiliate his own furniture-fornicating vice president, there’s no need to fly across the ocean for that.

Q: Are you ready to throw your weight behind JD Vance?

TRUMP: It's too early

ooof.

come on — how is it too early to endorse Couchfuck McGee? it’s never too early to endorse your own veep. the real reason Donny won’t commit is that he knows JD Vance is a toxic doofus who hasn’t a snowball’s chance of winning. guy’s got negative charisma. he’s going to get buried if he runs. that your own vice president is a repellent shit-stick is on you, Donny. way to hire only the best people, ace.

if Donny wants to announce that he’s going to tank the economy, he can do that from inside the White House.

Trump says he will cut off all trade entirely with “some nations” unless the Fed lowers interest rates,

wait, Donny’s going to do what? am I on crazy pills, or is that not the most insane idea ever to seep from his rancid anus-mouth? how does cutting off trade solve an imaginary interest rate issue? I can’t believe I even just typed that sentence. it’s that batshit.

come on, that’s like holding a gun to your own head, and saying you’ll pull the trigger if you don’t get what you want.

does Donny even understand what he’s threatening to do? I wouldn’t put money on it.

if Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants wanted to ramble confusedly about shit he’s too demented to remember doing, he didn’t have to do it from Fuckface Force One.

President Trump seems to be confused about his own social media posts.
Reporter: You reposted a video you took on January 6th.
Trump: Well, I posted about 30. Which one are you talking?
Reporter: You posted a video you took and posted on January 6th asking the rioters to go back home.
Trump: Who???
Reporter: The rioters of January 6, 2021.
Trump: I don’t know what she’s talking about

remember that? how last Friday, on a day when the rest of the world was honoring those who died on 9/11, Dear Leader posted a video from January 6, 2021, when he pretended to tell the insurrectionists that he’s sent to try to overturn the 2020 election that it was time to go home.

everyone was all ‘what the fuck is that all about?’

here’s what I wrote about it at the time.

what was the possibly context for posting a random video from over five years ago? spoiler alert: there isn’t any. the fucking idiot’s brain is tapioca pudding.

and it turns out I was right. even Donny has no fucking clue why he did what he did. he doesn’t even remember doing it.

Dear Leader’s brain has gone fuckity-bye.

there’s no point in wasting millions of taxpayer dollars sending Donny anywhere — not when there’s a good chance he won’t even remember going. not when there’s a good chance you can trick him into believing he’s already been there.

the White House staffers might want to try this: just keep the fucking idiot in the White House, and when he walks into the West Wing in the morning, they should just go up to him with tears in their eyes, and go, ‘sir! sir! how did you like your Irish vacation? Natalie says she had a great time! sir!’

when he acts confused, just keep gaslighting him. ‘sir! don’t you remember? President Connolly said you were the smartest, sexiest man she’d ever met! sir!’

that’s the ticket — play to Donny’s bottomless ego. there’s no way he’s not going to admit that something like that never happened.

and then beat him in a vigorous round of ‘I’ve-got-your-nose.’ dude is that far gone.

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Korrection Korner!

in yesterday’s post, I tried to explain about The Troubles in Northern Ireland, and I completely whiffed it — and then, after literally hundreds of people took me to task for getting it wrong, I re-wrote that section, and folks pointed out that it still wasn’t satisfactory.

tell us something we don’t already know, Laura.

so let me do what I should have done in the first place: consult a source more knowledgeable than I. yes, I’m talking about Google’s janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot.

hey, robot — what were the troubles in Northern Ireland about?

The Troubles were a 30-year ethno-nationalist and sectarian conflict in Northern Ireland lasting from the late 1960s to 1998, centered on whether the region should remain part of the United Kingdom or unify with the Republic of Ireland. [1, 2, 3]

look how easy that was! and I had it completely backwards.

I can’t believe that in yesterday’s post, I took the time to fact-check the spelling of ‘céad míle fáilte,’ and to fact-check whether or not people in Dublin call each other ‘mate’ — but when it came to the most important section of my post, I relied on my increasingly-unreliable old-man memory.

sorry, folks — I really do try not to be a fucking moron in public, but it doesn’t always work out.

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let’s make up for my stunning lack of Responsible Journalism and Everything™ with some Daily Claudia.

Ms Spouse’s bff Mandi emailed me some scans she made of photos from her collection. these are all from the 2000s.

have a great Monday, everyone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

respect.

you’re always hearing that word — respect — seeping from Dear Leader’s rancid anus-mouth.

Donny never shuts up about respect. ‘nobody respected Sleepy Joe Biden. no one respected Obama. nobody respected America. I’m going to change that. I’ll make America respected again, because everybody respects me.’

yeah, well — here’s a pro tip for Mister I’m So Fucking Respected: live your life in such a way that the entire world doesn’t piss itself laughing at a giant inflatable version of you getting nailed from behind.

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you know, I’m beginning to suspect that the good people of Dublin don’t have very much respect for our beloved Dear Leader.

Trump’s Brutal Welcome In Ireland

The folks in Dublin didn’t seem too pleased about his arrival:

They didn’t exactly roll out the red carpet for the guy.

Early reports say about 50K people hit the streets, carrying signs calling him a war criminal and accusing him of covering up the Epstein Files. The giant balloon caricatures floating above the crowd of Trump, Netanyahu, and Epstein made quite the splash.

Donny is in Ireland this weekend, ostensibly to promote the Irish Open, which is being held at his vermin-infested golf motel in Doonbeg — but it only took the stumblefuck about fifteen seconds to create an international incident.

DUBLIN — President Donald Trump said Saturday he would “love to see” Irish reunification, breaking with Washington’s long-standing neutrality on one of the most politically sensitive issues facing Ireland and the United Kingdom.

let me long-story-short why Donny is a fucking moron for opening his ignorant face-hole about this: after about three decades of violence that began in the late 1960s — a situation the locals charmingly call ‘The Troubles,’ as if thirty years of weekly car-bombings and assassinations were just some minor no-biggie — Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland agreed to end their conflict, culminating in the signing of the ‘Good Friday Agreement’ in 1998.

still with me? good. sorry to interrupt all the cussing with an actual history lesson. I know you weren’t expecting that on a Sunday morning.

anyway, the Good Friday Agreement remains a sore subject, because a lot of folks on both sides aren’t happy about it. don’t ask me why. do I look like some kind of fucking historian?

all you need to know is that since 1998, the official stance of the United States has been to say nothing and remain neutral — but Donny doesn’t know that, because Donny doesn’t read his briefing papers. he just blunders into every situation with guns blazing, like some international Yosemite Sam, except even more self-destructive.

so when some reporter asked Donny what he thought about Irish reunification, Dear Leader just made up some long, rambling answer on the spot — one that he imagined would make him sound all statesmanlike and shit.

Well, I don’t want to cause any problems, but I will tell you I’d love to see it unified. I have friends on both sides, great people. They’re Irish people. How can they be bad, right? I’d love to see it unified. I think it would be a great feather in everybody’s cap if that happened. It’s going to happen eventually. You know what? The way I look at it, it’s going to happen eventually. It may as well happen now. We’re talking about it and you got the right man over here to get it moving. But, yeah, I think it would be a fantastic thing. Now the UK will have something to say about it, obviously. But I think it would be a great thing. I mean, how can it be bad?”

good lord, listen to this imbecile blither like a fifth-grader called upon to get up in front of the whole class to give an oral report on a book he absolutely forgot to read.

‘… and so if you have courage, they give you a red badge, and that’s why everyone should read The Red Badge of Courage.’

are you fucking kidding me? the correct answer was to say nothing — but Donny can’t ever say nothing. he’s a blabbermouth who talks first and thinks never.

“I have friends on both sides, great people.”

yeah, sure you do. I’ll bet these friends of yours are big and strong and weepy, and they call you ‘sir,’ like few thought possible. am I right? what do I win?

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I have to say this about the British government: they’re so good at saying, ‘shut the fuck up, you yammering toad,’ and making it sound like they’re complimenting you on your excellent life choices.

British Prime Minister Andy Burnham’s office on Saturday said the prime minister was not aware of a change in public opinion that would warrant a referendum on the terms of the Good Friday agreement “and until that changes, there will not be one.”

the Irish government is pretty good at it, too.

Ireland’s Foreign Minister Helen McEntee said the matter wasn’t up to the U.S.

“Something to this magnitude can only happen where there’s consent from the Irish people,” she said, according to the BBC. “It’s something that we have to work on and we have to work towards.”

the Irish people, however, are a little more blunt in expressing their true opinion of Donny.

wouldn’t you have loved to have listened in on the phone conversation when those balloons were being ordered? ‘yes, okay, you want two caricatures of the US president. and you want what being done to him? no fucking problem, boy-o — when do you need them?’

* * *

but I, as always, have questions. apparently, Donny’s Slovenian rent-a-wife was all, ‘fock you, Donal, I no go,’ when she was asked to come along to Ireland — so the first thing I want to know is, is Diaper Nurse Natty now the Acting First Lady?

I mean, since when is a low-level assistant allowed to be on the official receiving line and shake hands with Irish president Catherine Connolly and other dignitaries?

Natalie Harp does her best Melania impression and heads inside. She introduces herself as “Natalie” with a hand shake. Notice she is at the end of the same line as Don Jr and family.

my other question is: will Donny ever learn to read the room and shut the fuck up?

“even though we got hit at the end with the covid, the greatest econumul— you have— we ever had it. and even with covid, the stock market was the highest it had ever been where I left office, and then we had a rigged election, as you know, it was totally rigged, but I— ’cause I won three times. I didn’t win— twice, I won three times.”

oh my god, shut the fuck up about the 2020 election. no one cares. this isn’t a MAGA rally in Bumfuck, Idaho.

trust me, Irish President Connolly doesn’t give one fuck about Rottinghands McCankles’ imaginary problems. nor could the Irish media, who had to stand there and listen to Donny whine for the umpteenth time about some imaginary stolen election.

read the fucking room, you idiot.

look, nobody respects this yammering fool. they tolerate him — barely, because they have no choice. he’s a malignant piss-baby in command of a nuclear arsenal.

here’s Donny with President Connolly, after their private meeting during which she apparently read him the riot act over how he’s fucking shit up in the Middle East.

“President Catherine Connolly has said that she conveyed to the US president the strong view of the Irish people that the normalization of war and genocide can never be accepted.”

the bloated sack of shit sure looks happy about the level of respect he got from the Irish president, doesn’t he?

today, Donny’s at his Doonbeg golf motel, watching the Irish Open. maybe the stupid shit can manage to keep his fool mouth shut and give us all 24 hours of peace and quiet.

here’s hoping.

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it’s Sunday. let’s give today’s final word to Aretha Franklin.

and now let us have us our Daily Claudia.

here are two from the mid-1990s. in this first one, Katie and her mom are somewhere. I don’t recognize the location.

and here they are in front of the fireplace in our old house in Hastings.

have a great Sunday, everyone. remember, the easiest way to get respect is to earn it.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

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monday: wut

once again, stupid got off to an jackrabbit-quick start this week — because, as I always like to ask around here, what’s stupider than MAGA?

you people keep falling for this trick question! the answer is still nothing.

Jason Selvig of the Good Liars: “how would you rate the job that Donald Trump’s done thus far in his 2nd term?”

MAGA: “I think he’s done fabulous and I think it’s a 3rd term. he’s awakening the country that has not been aware of the corrupt swamp and what they been doing. I think he had full control while Biden was in office. he had to let Biden cheat, he knew it was gonna happen so he let him in and Obama ran this place from the basement. President Trump still had control of the military so there wasn’t much Biden or Obama was gonna be able to do militarily except open them gates.”

what in the actual small-batch artisanal fuck did we all just listen to?

I’m not even sure I can parse this doublefuckload of batshittery. let me give it a whirl. let’s see, according to this woman, Dear Leader was actually running the country all during the Biden years — ‘he had full control,’ to use her exact words. but at the same time, Barack HUSSEIN Obama was in the basement, doing whatever the fuck he was doing?

how would that even work?

as Curly so sagely counseled us, ‘I’m trying to think, but nothing happens.’

I’ll bet that if we could somehow hook MAGA up to a generator, stupid could be our nation’s greatest source of renewable energy.

tuesday: Neckflix and chill the fuck out, you performative dipshits

now get ready for Monday’s stupid-meter to burst into flames from a dumbfuck overload — because this week, the worst people in the world got hella mad at a TV show.

the show that’s got the MAGAsphere all hot and bothered is ‘The Gentlemen,’ a British comedy whose premise is — and I quote — ‘a young aristocrat inherits his family’s massive country estate, only to discover it serves as the front for a massive underground cannabis empire.’

yes, I know — they used ‘massive’ twice in the same sentence. look, not everyone is as brilliant a writer as I am. but I digress.

the apparent issue here is that somehow, a neck joke posted to social media by Netflix insults the hallowed memory of misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk, who got necksecuted by a gunshot one year ago this week.

yes, I know — it’s too stupid for words. in fact, I think I got dumber just from trying to explain it to you.

and every single one of these useless fucksticks missed a golden opportunity to refer to Netflix and Neckflix. but again, not everyone is as brilliant a writer as I am.

now, here’s the beauty part: apparently, there’s a whole cottage industry of dunderheads who go running to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium to performatively pretend to cancel Netflix over and over, every time there’s a new manfactroversy to milk for attention.

you know what? let’s allow the misshapen garden gnome to have the last word on this subject.

Free speech is not just the freedom to say what you want to say, sometimes you might have to hear things you don’t want to hear.

come on, Chuckles — you’re breaking our hearts.

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wednesday: whatcha got down there? part one

can anyone tell me what MAGA pastor-slash-grifer Hank Kunneman is so worked up about? listen to this hyperventilating shitgibbon, he’s practically screaming at the top of his lungs.

“I am not going to let uncircumcised, uncovenanted people try to steal this nation that was dedicated to Jesus Christ.”

bro — I’ve got Jesus H. Christ himself on the phone here. he told me to tell you to dial it the fuck down, hotshot.

now, I have a question. who is Pastor Hank all worked up about, when he rails against ‘uncircumcised people?’ it’s not Muslims. those homies are circumcised. so, who then? women? that would track, for a misogynist like Hank.

but I also have followup questions: what is it with the MAGAverse’s infantile obsession with needing to know what’s going on inside everyone’s pants? what the fuck is their problem? and who is going to police this ‘turtlenecks not allowed’ worldiew of Hank Kunneman and his cohort? are we going to need an official underwear inspector?

because I know someone who would absolutely volunteer for the job.

thursday: whatcha got down there? part two

oh shit, it’s a ‘what’s down your pants’ two-fer. lucky us.

Fox News found object Jesse Watters: “there was some concern even among Republicans that they weren’t going to be able to pull the convention off, but it does seem they did a pretty good job.”

Jessica Tarlov: “they got all the best photos of Hasan Piker in a speedo.”

Watters: “I missed that.”

Jessica: “you missed the banana hammock? you missed a bunch of betas standing around looking at a half-naked socialist?”

in case you’re as in the dark about this as the Found Object is, let me clue you in.

that’s right, the crotch-obsessed weirdos at the RNC thought it would be super-fun to put a pixelated photo of Hasan Piker, naked except for a speedo, up on the jumbotron during Dear Leader’s Emotional Support Conference.

why? of what possibly relevance was that?

the Donnyverse sure seems fixated on left-wing weenuses, don’t they?

I wonder what that’s all about.

my dudes, I just go off the phone with America’s Self-Appointed Panty Inspector™. she says to tone it the fuck down — you’re embarrassing yourselves. you’re embarrassing her.

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friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™

on Friday, some fucking idiot had one job to do: not make a fool of himself at the 25th memorial of the 9/11 attack on the Pentagon — and he whiffed it, bigly.

evidently, the fucking idiot’s Slovenian rent-a-wife was contractually obligated to make an appearance — and it couldn’t be more obvious that she can’t even stand to be on the same planet as the fucking idiot, much less in the same room. she wouldn’t even acknowledge his presence.

naturally, the fucking immediately idiot fell into a deep sleep. he was out like a light.

holy shit, was the fucking idiot stroking out?

and what’s going on with the fucking idiot’s bloated cankles? it looks like his socks are stuffed with putrefying eggplants.

it’s really weird how the 83-year-old, stage four cancer sufferer Joe Biden managed to stand for the entire ceremony in New York, while the fucking idiot was narcoleptically crop-dusting the Pentagon with the piquant aroma of ass-music. it’s like the Pentagon got bombed all over again.

later in the day, back in the White House, the fucking idiot posted a heartfelt tribute to those who lost their lives in the terror attack twenty-five years ago. oh no, wait — he didn’t do any of that shit. what the fucking idiot did post, was his video from January 6, 2021, when he pretended to tell the insurrectionists that he’s sent to try to overturn the 2020 election that it was time to go home.

what was the possibly context for posting a random video from over five years ago? spoiler alert: there isn’t any. the fucking idiot’s brain is tapioca pudding.

oh, and the fucking idiot also took a moment to whine about how everyone is making fun of his promise to give MAGA a $5,000 bribe if they vote for Republicans. so unfair! so unfair!

way to honor the memory of those who perished at the Pentagon, you fucking idiot.

and because the fucking idiot’s posting spree took place in the Oval Bordello, with only Diaper Nurse Natty by his side, not one reporter was around to stand up ask, ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

and now, let’s put a close to This Week in Stupid and have us some Daily Claudia.

here’s a triptych of Ms Spouse in the living room on January 19, 2019.

have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.

do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

it’s a well-known fact that Little Donny Fuckface is a quadrice-indicted twice-impeached once-convicted popular-vote-losing adderall-huffing dead-pedo-bestie-schmoozing East-Wing-destroying insurrection-leading ear-diapering testimony-ducking judge-threatening lawyer-ignoring debate-avoiding witness-tampering crypto-scamming disabled-veteran-dishonoring inheritance-squandering rube-fleecing clown-makeup-smearing language-mangling sneaker-hawking serial-sexual-predating draft-dodging casino-bankrupting butler-bullying daughter-perving hush-money-paying real-estate-swindling bone-spur-faking ketchup-hurling justice-obstructing classified-war-plan-thieving golf-cheating stock-manipulating weather-map-defacing war-criminal-pardoning horse-paste-promoting paper-towel-flinging race-baiting tax-evading evidence-destroying charity-defrauding money-laundering diaper-filling 34-count 80-year-old fluorescent-tangerine narcoleptic fart factory. we know this.

but do you know what else Donny is? a sweaty, festering pest-hole of megalomaniacal shit, that’s what.

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“please raise your right hand. ‘I pledge to the greatest president in the history of the United States, that loves us so much he can’t even breathe. that I will go out with my family, my friends, I’ll do it any way, I don’t care if I’m registered or not. I’m going to try and cheat like hell like they do. they never— there’s never been bigger cheaters, they don’t care.’”

fuck off, bro. this is America. I’m not pledging anything to some malevolent burst trash-bag of personality defects.

seriously, who the fuck does this fucking fuck think he is?

easy question, easy answer: Donny thinks he’s God’s gift to the world. he’s that fucked in the head.

let’s be crystal clear about one thing: Donny is not God’s gift to anything. he’s a very naughty boy. now go away.

but do you know who else thinks they’re the center of the universe? infants. they have no conception of the world all around them. they care about one thing only: that there’s a tit in their face to feed on, when they need one. doesn’t that sound exactly like Dear Leader?

Donny functions on the same level as a week-old baby whose brain is still half pudding. he’s never evolved past the me-centric worldview of a diaper-shitting newborn.

and why should he evolve? he’s got an entire political party willing to shove their tit in his face. did you hear them in that video clip above, dutifully repeating his ferkakta pledge to cheat in the midterms? what in the actual fuck?

now feast your incredulous eyes on this. here’s an actual video that got played on the Jumbotron, just before Donny’s speech last night.

“on June 14th, 1946, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, ‘I need a caretaker,’ so God gave us Trump.”

holy shit, they literally cast Dear Leader as God’s gift to the universe.

they’re not being sarcastic. they actually believe this twaddle. remember, the whole purpose of this ‘Republican midterm convention’ wasn’t to promote Republican candidates. they gave the briefest lip service to the dipshits who are actually running in races this year. this ‘midterm convention’ was just an Emotional Support Tit, shoved into Dear Leader’s face so he could spend two days feeding off uncritical adoration.

that’s because the GOP is no longer a functioning political party. it’s now just some fucked-up cult whose prime directive is to make a colicky piss-baby feel good about himself.

I mean, at this point they’re not even pretending to be anything other than a cult.

CBS News reporter Ed O’Keefe: “is Vance your guy in 2028?”

MAGA: “my guy is who Donald Trump endorses.”

O’Keefe: “so it’s up to him to tell you?”

MAGA: “that’s exactly right…. people call us a cult. I don’t care.”

the entire Republican Party has lost its way — and I haven’t a clue how it finds a way back. they’re just too far gone at this point.

Preznit Fuckwit has run the GOP straight into the ground, just like he ran six casinos straight into the ground.

everything Donny touches, dies.

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you would think that two days of maximum adoration would have put Dear Leader in a good mood — but you’d be wrong. Donny is too broken-inside to ever actually be happy. there’s not enough money, power, or attention the in world to satisfy him.

so of course this thin-skinned, eternally-unsatisfied shithead had to take it out on his favorite target — the nearest woman reporter.

reporter: “on the checks, we have $40 trillion in debt. if your economic policies are working, why do you need an incentive for people to turn out to vote?”

Donny: “I’m doing it as a reward for people having to put up for five years and four years of a horrible situation caused by Biden.”

reporter: “you also offered tariff refund checks—”

Donny: “not you.”

reporter: “you also—”

Donny: “NOT YOU! hey— NOT YOU.”

reporter: “—”

Donny: “your network and you, you’re the worst.”

Jesus H. Fuck, did you see the way this abusive sack of shit lunges at the reporter, and gets right in her face? who does that?

once again, Donny abuses a woman reporter. notice that he never pulls this shit on a man. he’s too cowardly. but if it’s a woman asking him a tough question? she’s a pig. she’s a bitch. she’s dumb. ‘NOT YOU!’

this is probably as a good place as any to note that my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ is now in its 2,355th day.

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everything totally fucking sucks right now, but at least we can enjoy all the technical glitches that prevented United States Vice President Couchfuck McGee from speaking at the one-year anniversary of the death of misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk.

“…an amazing testament to the kind of man— ah— gha— mzzzzzzzbzt—[screen goes black]”

oh noes! United States First Failson Cokey McSniffle’s touching tribute to the misshapen garden gnome got all glitched to shit, too. so sad!

“he could go from fundraising, you know, making calls to zzZZZZckkkkk bububububillionaire to glrrRRRRRrr—”

try not to laugh.

oh, fuck it — laugh all you want. never stop mocking the shit out of these incompetent ass-clowns who couldn’t find their own dick with both hands and a flashlight.

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folks, the date has been set for the fourth No Kings Day of Action: October 17, 2026.

Donny fucking hates No Kings. it ruins his day to be reminded that hundreds of millions of people all across the world hate his guts.

let’s ruin Donny’s day. let’s make No Kings Four the largest one yet. go here to find or host an event.

Wonkette’s Rebecca Schoenkopf, can you step in here for a moment, and show us how it’s done?

fuck you, you fucking fuck — now that’s a message we can all get behind.

well, it’s Friday — and we made it through another week in one piece. let’s reward ourselves with some Daily Claudia and get out of here.

here are two of Ms Spouse on the patio, on September 15, 2022.

and here are the two of us, enjoying the terrace bar at the Poughkeepsie, NY restaurant Shadows on the Hudson, on May 13, 2024.

have a great Friday, everyone. remember, if Popeye Doyle asks you if you’re still picking your feet in Poughkeepsie, the answer is no.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

shit, it must be noted, is fucked up and stuff.

shit, in fact, has been fucked up and stuff for a good long while now — and the problem with shit being fucked up and stuff for this long is that eventually, you forget that shit isn’t supposed to be this fucked up.

shit being fucked up and stuff becomes normalized. so it’s important for us, every now and then, to step back, take a deep breath, and remind ourselves: none of the fucked up shit going on right now is normal.

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it’s not normal for a president to ‘gift’ his weird stalker diaper nurse 45 grand in cash.

President Donald Trump gave $45,000 cash gifts to his executive assistant Natalie Harp and two of his other young, loyal White House employees, according to financial disclosures released by the administration.

On their disclosure forms, which were released publicly late last week, the three women described the payments as “Cash Gift for Holidays.” The gifts amount to about one-third of the $150,000 salaries they each earn from their White House positions, according to an annual report to Congress.

oh, and while we’re on the subject, it’s not normal to be this into your boss.

holy shit. all kidding aside, this woman has issues that clearly require some sort of professional help. the White House staff is terrified of Natty, and have fruitlessly tried to keep her far the fuck away from Dear Leader — but because he loves to get this level of adoration, Donny won’t get her the help she needs. he encourages this behavior. he feeds off of it. he rewards her for it, to the tune of 45 large.

now, I know what you’re going to ask me: ‘but Uncle Jeff, while it’s certainly nice for the Carrier of the Royal Diaper Bag to have tens of thousands of free dollars dumped in her lap, it sure seems unethical. aren’t there laws to prevent this kind of thing from happening?’

you’re darned fucking tooting there are.

now, if this were a private corporation — say, the Trump Organization — Donny could shower his employees with all the cash in the world, and no one could say boo. but when you’re in government, there are indeed laws against this kind of thing.

Richard Painter, the former chief White House ethics lawyer for President George W. Bush and a critic of Trump, said the payments appear to violate a federal statute that prohibits the supplementation of federal employees’ salaries from outside sources.

but silly you, for even asking such a dumb question. puny little things like laws don’t matter to God’s Own Avatar on Earth. when has a law ever stopped Dear Leader from doing whatever the fuck he wants? he’s got six corrupt bought-and-paid-for SCOTUS hacks who would be only too happy to declare he’s A Very Special Boy Who Can (and here they just leave a blank space for Donny to write in his latest crime).

hey, do you know what else is not normal — also against the law? bribing voters.

“only I can make this promise to you: if the Republicans win the House and Senate, I will issue a dividend to every adult citizen in the United States of America for $5,000.”

oh look — Dear Leader has already ditched the jet-black roadkill he duct taped to his empty pumpkin head a couple of days ago. so what the fuck was that all about?

but let’s talk about this promise of five grand, if you vote for the GOP.

of course, Donny’s just talking out of his ass. he’s not about to follow through on it. I guarantee that he’s already forgotten that he said this only last night. remember, we’re all still waiting for the $2,000 tariff rebate check he promised to send to everybody a year ago. that’s the cool thing about being Lord-Emperor of All The Planets and the Sky Above. you don’t ever have to follow through on shit. your brain-dead cultists will happily invent memories of the imaginary rebate check they received.

but I’m not even going to wait for you to ask — yes, this is a crime. it’s a violation of 18 U.S. Code Subsection 597 — Expenditures to influence voting.

spoiler alert: it turns out that it’s illegal to promise money in order to get someone’s vote. who knew?

and while we’re still on the subject of what’s illegal, it’s also not normal to have no one in the Department of Justice who understands how laws work.

Jeanine Pirro: “we just found out that there are people who are between the ages of one and four who are getting Social Security. like, we’ve got something like sixty-nine million dollars in taxpayer—”

Jessice Tarlov: “that’s the benefit for kids whose parents are dead.”

what kind of heartless ghoul tries to turn a social safety net for children without parents into some kind of fiendish crime?

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it’s just more performative dumbfuckery from America’s tipsiest US Attorney — the same cartoonish cow cosplayer who couldn’t bring an indictment for Grand Theft Paint Chips, nor a conviction for Assault with a Deadly Sandwich.

but that’s the Donnyverse’s whole deal: pointing at some perfectly normal thing and shouting AHA! FRAUD!

if US Attorney Boxwine is so super-horny to root out the criminals who are defrauding our nation, she should start with the flimflam artist who just promised five grand to anyone who would vote for Republicans.

oh, and by the way — if you spend years worshiping this guy, following him around and carrying his diaper bag, Donny will up that amount to 45 grand.

better start practicing your psychotic adoring stare.

here’s more abnormality: it’s not normal to throw an Emotional Support Convention for oneself.

right now, in Dallas, Dear Leader is presiding over a two-day ‘Republican Midterm Convention’ — and, as usual, they half-assed it. it only took about fifteen minutes for the ‘L’ to fall off the podium.

ace job, you stupid fucks.

now, you’ll be forgiven for having never heard of a political party throwing themselves a ‘midterm convention.’ the reason you’ve never heard of one is that they almost never happen. it’s a huge waste of time and resources, and accomplishes nothing. so, why are they having one right now? it’s because Donny is so broken-inside and in such constant need of affirmation that he’s forcing his own party expend two whole days on a useless dog-and-pony show, just to make him feel better about his own fucked-up self.

just think of it as just a larger version of one of Donny’s cabinet meetings, where every one of Dear Leader’s supplicants try to out-do each other in heaping effusive praise on our Needy-Diaper-Baby-in-Chief, while he sits there and basks in it.

oh look — they even invited one of Donny’s cabinet ministers to the Midterm Convention, to show everyone how it’s done. just listen to that smug, haughty bastard, Soybean Scott Bessent, making shit up.

“we’ve gone from a president who couldn’t stay awake to a president who refuses to sleep.”

what in the hallowed name of Counterfactual Gaslighting Jesus is this bullshit? we’re supposed to swallow this fever-swamp fairy tale about how Joe Biden narcolepted his way through his term in office, while Donny is some boundless well of energy?

fact check:

and, finally, here’s a thing that’s definitely not normal: sitting down to write a post without first planning in advance what kind of conclusion you’re going to wrap it all up with.

it’s important to figure that shit out before you start — because now I’m down at the bottom of the post, and I’ve written myself into a corner and don’t have a proper ending to it. if this were a Monty Python sketch, I could just end it with a big foot coming down and crushing everything.

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oh boy, I think I got away with it. let’s just have ourselves a Daily Claudia and get out of here before anyone notices.

here’s Ms Spouse at the Yonkers waterfront, outside the long-defunct restaurant The Dolphin, on November 20, 2011.

here’s what happened next: Ms Spouse grabbed my camera and took this photo of me.

and here’s Katie and her mom, on August 19, 2003.

have a great Thursday, everyone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Little Donny Fuckface is a liar. we know this.

he lies about everything. he lies as easily as other people breathe.

he lied to get into college. he lied to get out of Vietnam.

he’s lied about hush money and lied about his dead pedo bestie and lied about how tariffs work and lied about his unwinnable war on Iran and lied about being able to point to a camel and lied about his weight and lied about his golf scores and lied about his wealth and lied about a hurricane and lied about a pandemic and lied about his taxes and lied about a million other things.

so should we really by surprised that this lying fuck is now lying about being rescued by firefighters on 9/11?

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“never forget. two firemen. we thought it was coming down on top of us, and two firemen, big strong guys, and I’m not the smallest guy in the world, they grabbed me under the arms, said, ‘gotta get outta here.’ and they literally lifted me up. this is not easy to do. I’m big. they lifted me up, they started running with me. I said, ‘fellas, I can run myself.’ but they were amazing. they thought it was coming down.”

fact check: FUCK YOU, YOU DISGUSTING FUCK.

of all the things that never happened, Donny getting saved from Ground Zero has be right up there with things that never happened the most.

make no mistake — two big, strong firemen, tears of relief coursing down their cheeks like few thought possible, did not grab this lying sack of shit under the arms and hustle him away from danger. these imaginary firemen didn’t go ‘sir! sir! we gotta get outta here! sir!’

none of this shit happened.

we know it didn’t happen, because this soft, pampered man-child of privilege wasn’t anywhere near Ground Zero on 9/11. he was in his eyesore of a fake-gold tower, four miles away, phoning into TV stations and bragging about how he now had the tallest building in lower Manhattan.

how do we know this? because there’s a fucking video of it, that’s why.

“they built the World Trade Center, it became known as the second tallest, and now it’s the tallest.”

shut the fuck up, Piggy. what a disgusting, self-absorbed asshole. as the rest of the world is being traumatized by what they’re witnessing, all this moron can think is ‘hey, tallest building is mine, so cool.’

for the umpteenth time, this vile dumbfuck makes a national tragedy all about himself.

may I please plagiarize myself? this is what I wrote two days ago, after Lord Shitticus told a different lie about Ground Zero, about how he personally helped clear away the rubble.

of all the lies this fucking liar has told in his fucking lie-strewn life, this one is the most shameful, because it spits in the face of the actual heroes — the first responders and civilian volunteers who actually went down to Ground Zero and sorted through the rubble — many of whom ended up with life-shortening medical issues as a result.

Donny is the biggest attention-hog in the multiverse — which makes it really weird how their are no photos of him, covered in soot, helping carry away twisted metal beams. it’s really weird how there isn’t one person who remembers seeing one of the most famous people on the planet down at Ground Zero. in fact, just the opposite is true.

First responders and recovery officials have questioned these statements. As noted by NPR, Richard Alles, battalion chief of the New York Fire Department at the time of the attacks, spent several months in the smoking, choking ruins at ground zero. He told PolitiFact this summer, “I was there for several months — I have no knowledge of his being down there.” Officials also noted there was no record of Trump sending a large group of his workers to aid in the official recovery efforts. [1]

nobody saw Donny at Ground Zero, yet he’s been allowed to lie about it for literal decades. nobody questions it. the press can’t even be bothered to rouse from their slumbers. look at how the NY Times framed it. they don’t call it a disgraceful, fucked-up lie. they call it a ‘claim’ — one that’s ‘questionable and provocative.’

oh, I guess reasonable people can differ on a made-up fairy tale told by a lifelong liar who no one saw at the scene. is that it, New York Times?

thanks for nothing, you hacks.

how the fuck does Donny keep get away with it? as always, it’s fucking maddening.

no one else, no other politician — or public figure — is allowed to lie to the shameless degree that Donny does, without consequences.

one hates to keep bringing this up, but it never stops being relevant to the discourse: imagine that Joe Biden had fabricated some story about having been rescued at Ground Zero. the press would have savaged him. they would have called him a liar. they would have called him demented. they would have called him unfit for office. they would have demanded his resignation, on the spot, for the good of the country.

reporters would have fallen all the fuck all over each other in mad dash to file their stories.

Jake Tapper would have orgasmed on the spot, and seven new books about how Joe Biden is old and icky and smells bad would have come rocketing out of his ass.

I just checked Jake Tapper’s social media feed. there’s nothing on it about Donny’s bogus Ground Zero story. zip. nada. nothing at all. just some twaddle about some celebrity eBay auction.

thanks a lot for nothing, Jake.

we can’t have a functioning democracy if we don’t have a functioning press.

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but wait — Dear Leader wasn’t finished shitting all over the memory of the first responders who actually gave their lives on 9/11.

“then, suddenly, a rescuer appeared. they call him the Man— in the Red— Bandana. have you heard that term? the Man in the Red Bandana’s become more famous than me. I don’t like it. heh heh. very unhappy, but he’s become much more famous than me.”

now I hear you asking, ‘Uncle Jeff, what the fuck is Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants gibbering about? who is the Man in the Red Bandana?’

allow me to elucidate.

‘the Man in the Red Bandana’ was volunteer firefighter Welles Crowther. he personally rescued at least 18 people trapped in the World Trade Center on 9/11. when he went back inside to find more people to help, the South Tower collapsed, killing him.

incredibly, Donny imagines that whining about this actual hero’s fame relative to his own is somehow an appropriate thing to do. what the fuck?

this demented pig has no filters. he’d a lizard brain stem connected to a mouth. he just blurts out whatever random thought appears in his fat, waterlogged head. where is the outrage from the press? where is the outrage from Donny’s own party?

I’m looking straight at you, Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun.

Kaitlan Collins: “on the president’s 9/11 story today, he’s saying that there is evidence that he was there right after it. he’s making it sound like he was pulled out of the rubble, with the firefighters. do you think that’s appropriate?”

Ted Cruz: “September 11th was 25 years ago.”

wait, that’s Ted’s argument for why lying about being rescued on 9/11 is no big deal? Dear Leader gets a free pass because he’s old — and 9/11 happened so long ago, that Donny can be forgiven for mixing fact with fever-swamp fantasy?

are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit?

Donny being so cognitively-collapsed that he can’t tell if big, strong, weeping firefighters actually manhandled him out of danger or not, is exactly why he needs to be booted out of office, pronto — and if he knows he’s lying, that’s just as bad. maybe even worse.

once again: IMAGINE IF JOE BI—

oops, sorry — my head just exploded. allow me to take a moment to scotch-tape it back together.

* * *

the 25th anniversary of 9/11 is two days from now. it would be nice if we lived in the timeline where the worst people in the world aren’t going to turn what should be a solemn commemoration of a tragedy into a five-alarm shit-show.

but we don’t live in that timeline. we live in the shitty one.

lucky us.

I’m just glad that Mitch McConnell isn’t alive to see this.

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after all that, we have never needed a Daily Claudia more than we do right now, so let’s have at it.

here are two more from the 1980s. good lord, remember those big, ugly desk phones?

and here’s Ms Spouse, looking stylish as hell, in her bff Mandi’s apartment.

have a great Wednesday, everyone. do try to remember whether or not you were pulled from the rubble on 9/11.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

loyal and patriotic citizens, please stand by for a message of the utmost importance from the President of the United States, Supreme Ruler of the Western Hemisphere, Lord-Emperor of the Sky Above and All the Planets, Friend to Diaper Nurses Everywhere, Conqueror Of Every War, God’s Own Avatar on Earth, Grand Renamer of Water and Land, and the Most Shameless Exploiter of Workers to Ever Shit Himself Raw In the Oval Bordello.

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Happy Labor Day to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics, Communists, and Dumocrats who will do anything possible to destroy our Country. These Deranged People, after fighting for 10 years, should finally acknowledge that your Favorite President (ME!), knows how to WIN! They should be exhausted by now but, sadly, they’re not. They’re going to give it one last shot at ruining America, but we’re not going to let that happen. We’re going to win the Midterms, BIG, and SAVE AMERICA! President DONALD J. TRUMP

there it is. oh, thank goodness.

as you well know, it’s not really a holiday until Dear Leader officially acknowledges the HATERS and LOSERS (or in this case, the COMMUNISTS and the DUMOCRATS) and, by presidential fiat, invites them to participate, while also praising himself for his own imaginary accomplishments.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO DEAR LEADER’S PREENING, INFANTILE TANTRUM.

finally, now we can get this show on the road.

* * *

Mad King Diaperload can fuck himself all the way to Alpha Centauri and back again.

this self-styled ‘friend of the working class’ is the last person in the world who should be allowed to preside over a national holiday celebrating workers.

Donny hasn’t done a single day’s labor in his soft, privileged life — and he has no appreciation or respect for those who have. he hires undocumented immigrants to build his fugly towers, and work at his vermin-infested golf motels. he then pays them sub-standard wages, or just flat-out stiffs them. has he ever once hired a unionized worker? oh, please.

and don’t forget that prior to slithering his way into the Oval Bordello, he was a racist game show host whose annoying catchphrase was all about how ‘you don’t get a job.’

now let’s look at Donny’s record as president. he loves to talk a good game about how super fucking pro-worker he is, but the reality is fuggedaboutit.

the Guardian has been all over that shit, in a long article posted yesterday.

In the year since last Labor Day, Trump has taken many actions that have hurt US workers and unions, with some labor experts saying they’ve been stunned at how anti-worker Trump has been.

In the months after Trump returned to office, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (Osha) cut workplace inspections by 20%, compared with Joe Biden’s last year in office. Even though Trump campaigned as a champion of coal miners, his administration has repeatedly delayed implementation of a rule to limit silica dust, which has afflicted and killed many coal miners with black lung. The United Mine Workers union has urgently called for “immediate enforcement” of the stalled silica dust rule.

as always with Donny and his Republican shitweasel enablers, it’s watch what they do, not what they say.

Donny has done everything within his power to make life worse for We the People — but here he is, imagining himself to be God’s gift to the American worker. oh, please. that’s such a cool story, Mister You’re Fired. tell it again — preferably while you’re fucking straight off into deep space.

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hey, you know else can fuck himself to Alpha Centauri? Holy Mike Johnson — because he, too, fancies himself the Great Protector of the American Worker.

The American worker is WINNING again! This Labor Day, thanks to Republicans, hardworking Americans have more opportunities and can keep more of their own hard-earned money.

fact check: yeah, no.

For rural Americans, the economic landscape is defined by a massive gap between flat paychecks and a historic spike in out-of-pocket medical bills. Current nominal wage growth sits at a sluggish 3.1% to 3.5%, which is barely keeping pace with headline inflation of roughly 3.4%. However, healthcare costs are projected to surge by 6.5% to 11%, with rural marketplace premiums skyrocketing by over 107% due to the expiration of federal tax credits. * USAFacts +5

keep in mind that, as House Speaker, Holy Mike has rubber-stamped every single one of Donny’s anti-worker and anti-union initiatives — the cuts to OSHA, the loosening of rules to protect miners, and so on. Holy Mike is totally down with all of that shit.

let’s have another paragraph from that Guardian article.

Heidi Shierholz, president of the Economic Policy Institute, a progressive think tank, said she was stunned by some of Trump’s anti-worker actions, especially by his order last year chopping the minimum wage that federal contractors must pay their employees, to $13.30 an hour from $17.75. That move caused some workers to lose over $9,000 a year in pay.

This year, Trump rescinded a Biden-era regulation that made overtime pay available to more salaried workers. As a result, 4.3 million workers will no longer qualify for time-and-a-half overtime.

yeah, nothing says ‘we loves us some workers’ more than cutting their pay.

it bears repeating over and over and over: watch what these GOP shit-sticks do, not what they say.

here was Donny, three months ago, promising that US would be going great guns by Labor Day.

reporter: “how do you see the economy, Iran, by, say, Labor Day, September 7? where’s our country going to be?”

Donny: “I think we’re gonna be in— very good shape. we’re in good shape right now.”

spoiler alert: we weren’t in ‘good shape’ three months ago, and we’re not in ‘very good shape’ right now. everything totally fucking sucks — unless you’re a plutocrat. those fuckers are doing just fine.

don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran is still an unwinnable debacle. ICE remains a nest of lawless thugs. data centers are destroying our environment. the price of basic goods and services continue to soar. I don’t know what it’s like where you are, but here in the Hudson Valley, just yesterday I paid twenty cents more for a gallon of gas than I did two weeks ago.

but to hear Preznit Fuck-a-Doodle-Doo tell it, everything is awesome.

yeah, well — don’t listen to the word-adjacent noises that seep from his rancid anus-mouth. watch what he does.

oh, and in case you’re curious, here’s how a real president celebrates Labor Day.

I’ve said it my entire career: the middle class built America. And unions built the middle class. To every worker who’s ever punched a clock, worked a double, or walked a line for fair wages — and to everyone who stands up for them, at the bargaining table, in the statehouse, or on the shop floor: thank you. This country runs in large part because of you.

damn straight.

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hey, remember that time when Barack HUSSEIN Obama saluted a Marine while holding a cup of coffee?

of course you remember. the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex wouldn’t let you forget. they lost their fucking minds, and spent weeks afterwards calling for Obama to resign and be impeached, and then, for good measure, to be impeached and then resign a second time — and then imprisoned, for a skillionty years. that was how great a high crime and misdemeanor holding a coffee cup was.

how dare Obama disrespect our brave heroes like that!

yeah, well, I wonder if any of those wingnut howler monkeys will have anything to say about the how Dear Leader treated the Marines who brought him back to the White House yesterday afternoon.

holy shit, Commander Bone Spurs sure seems pissed off about something.

he angrily chops at the air with his freakishly undersized mitts, while apparently berating the Marine pilot for something. he then totters unsteadily off the copter, and blows off returning the salute of the two Marines standing guard.

do you think any of the worthless scribblers who ginned up a weeks-long manufactroversy over the Obama Coffee Cup Crime will have one word to say about our Fuckhead-in-Chief acting like the callous piece of unfit-for-office shit he is?

oh please, don’t make me laugh.

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finally, let’s watch as New York City’s Islamocommunofascist Mayor Zohran Mamdani teaches John Fetterman a master class in How To Not Suck.

“what do New Yorkers think about [Mamdani]? they like the guy — and it’s not just that they like the guy. they like the guy a lot more than a year ago. take a look here: Mamdani’s rating in New York City. you know, a year ago was 44%. look where it was at the beginning of his term. it was 68%. look now, it’s 69%. there has been no drop. he is still on the honeymoon period. this is an extremely long honeymoon period. but Mamdani is still very popular, as he is implementing his agenda.”

now let’s compare those numbers to Fetterman’s.

“look at this shift. WOW! Fetterman’s approval rating — you go back to 2024, it was plus 70 points. by 2025, it was down 91 points, into negative territory — minus 21 points. you think that’s low? look at now. MINUS 50 POINTS. that is a — get this, if we do out math correctly, a ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY POINT DROPPEROO, from plus 70 points to minus 50 points. Pennsylvania Democrats absolutely despise John Fetterman at this point.”

fact check: it’s not just PA Dems who despise Fetterman right now — it’s all all of us. we fucking loathe him — with good reason.

it’s a no-brainer, and it’s that simple: do what you promised to do, and the people who voted for you will love you for it. crap all over the heads of your base, while you snuggle up to the opposition, and your numbers end up in the shitter.

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oh hey, it’s time for some Daily Claudia.

here are two pics of Newborn Katie and her mom, from our Manhattan apartment in July 1991, a couple of months before we moved to the Westchester suburbs.

and I have always been a huge fan of this selfie, from April 26, 2005.

have a great Tuesday, everyone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

hey folks — here’s a short one for Labor Day. I’ll be back tomorrow with the usual full-length documentation of all the atrocities.

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remember when presidents used to let us get some peace and quiet during the weekends? that was pretty awesome, wasn’t it?

yeah, well, no such fucking luck these days. those tranquil Before Times are over.

our psychotic president and his equally psychotic diaper nurse spent all day yesterday spraying the firehose of crazy directly into our faces.

Jesus wept.

if you had looked at Donny’s official schedule for Sunday, you could have been fooled into imagining that Donny spent a quiet day at his New Jersey ex-wife cemetery.

oh, but no — that 8:00 am ‘executive time’ lasted all the way to 9:00 in the evening, with Donny and Natty shitting dozens of posts onto his crappy app — and Harry Sisson has earned hazardous duty pay for documenting just a fraction of the lunacy.

you know, I’ve been writing these posts almost every day for almost four years now — when when you do that, you eventually run out of different ways to convey that Donny is fucking nuts. but he is — he’s fucking nuts. he’s got a screw loose. he’s lost his marbles. he’s crazier than a shithouse rat. he’s stark barking bonkers. he’s mad as a hatter. he’s off his rocker. some village is missing its idiot. he’s out of his mind. he’s nutty as a fruitcake. he’s out where the buses don’t run. he’s got bats in his belfry. he’s wandering in the tall weeds. he’s a basket case. he’s gone off the deep end. he’s not all there. he’s out of his skull. he’s a few french fries short of a happy meal. he’s mad as a March hare. he’s foaming at the mouth. he’s a brick or two shy a full load. his elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor. he’s not playing with a full deck. he’s a dim bulb. he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. he’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic. he’s not playing with a full deck.

the light are on, but no one’s home.

I mean, who does this?

what even the fuck? what did New Mexico do to deserve this? were they very very mean to Dear Leader, so unfair, so unfair, and so now they get the Lake America treatment — or is Donny just going to rename everything that’s got a foreign place name, without rhyme or reason?

is Rome, New York now America, New York? is Paris, Texas now America, Texas? is Athens, Georgia now America, Georgia?

is French toast now American toast?

tell me, if the Moon is now ours,

are we renaming it the Night Sky Ball of America?

wait, I have a much more important question: why are our astronauts now dressing up like Nazis?

who designed this shit? was it Stephen Miller? it was, wasn’t it? I mean, look at this. it’s straight up Nazi cosplay. they’re not even pretending any more.

is the Space Force now the fucking baddies?

so many of these posts just make no sense whatsoever.

who are the ‘they’ that will never sleep again, as Donny and his robot army roam the midnight streets of our nation’s Capitol? is it the Dumocrats?

Donny’s obsession with ‘dumocrats’ fascinates me — because you know that when he prattles on about how ‘most people don’t know that dumb ends with a b,’ he’s accusing-confessing that he’s the illiterate moron who had no clue how ‘dumb’ is spelled.

think about that: somebody had to actually explain to Donny how to spell ‘dumb’ — and this fucking imbecile is in charge of a nuclear arsenal. awesome.

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so much of this stuff doesn’t have a point, or even makes sense. it’s just Natalie finding some dumbfuck image online and showing it to Donny, who cackles, ‘hurr hurr hurr, post it.’

there’s no other explanation for stuff like this.

Hulk Hogan was a human cartoon character. why would anyone want to imitate that?

is it the Hulkster’s racism?

In a video made public by The National Enquirer, Hogan said: “I guess we’re all a little racist” and used the n-word while referring to his daughter’s love life.

great role model.

what even is the point of this?

why Donny in a garbage truck? of what possible significance is posting an image from a failed campaign stunt from 2024? does Dear Leader not remember that his stroked-out leg collapsed under him as he tried to climb into the truck?

why would he want to relive that moment? oh, wait — it’s because he had no memory of it. Donny’s so demented, he can’t even remember what he had for breakfast this morning, much less tell you what happened on the campaign trail two years ago.

the posting spree finally ended around 9pm, with some AI slop of Donny as the Green Lantern.

which is actually kind of perfect, because the Green Lantern is a d-list superhero, and Donny is a z-list president.

does Diaper Nurse Natty not understand how completely cray-cray this shit-blizzard of posting makes Dear Leader look?

spoiler alert: no, she doesn’t — because she’s every bit as fucking nuts as Donny is. maybe even more so.

it goes without saying that if Joe Biden had ever even once spent an entire day vomiting out preening-peacock bullshit all over social media, the press would have had a field day, writing countless think pieces about how Joe’s finally lost his mind, and how he has to resign immediately, for the good of the country.

yet, Donny does this pretty much every weekend now, and the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media can’t even be motivated to say one word about Commander Crazypants.

now here’s a fun, true story. when Donny’s tyrant Klansman father Fred was completely lost to Alzheimer’s, his family built him a fake office where he would go every day to sign fake papers and have fake phone conversations with his secretary. having a familiar place to go every day kept old Fred happy and out of trouble.

can we just do that with Donny? can we build him a fake Oval Bordello down at his shitty Florida golf motel, and let him sit there all day long, posting dumbfuck memes onto his crappy app, playing Hide the Brain Cells with his diaper nurse, signing fake executive orders and holding fake press conferences? we could even put a fake Big Red Button on his fake Resolute Desk, so he could fake-nuke Iran.

come on. Donny’s brain has left the station. 25th Amendment now. as I never tire of saying, I’ll take my chances with the couch fucker.

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before I go, I have one more thing to rant about, because we really need to clear the air about a disgusting lie that Donny has been telling for over two decades.

Trump claims that after 9/11, “I went down, I was building a building in New York, and I went down there very shortly thereafter — the following day, you couldn’t go down the same day — and we worked long and hard.”

fact check: fuck you forever, you fucking fuck.

of all the things that have never happened, Donny showing up after 9/11 to help clear rubble is the thing that has absolutely never happened the most.

janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot, can you please set the record straight?

First responders and recovery officials have questioned these statements. As noted by NPR, Richard Alles, battalion chief of the New York Fire Department at the time of the attacks, spent several months in the smoking, choking ruins at ground zero. He told PolitiFact this summer, “I was there for several months — I have no knowledge of his being down there.” Officials also noted there was no record of Trump sending a large group of his workers to aid in the official recovery efforts. [1]

it’s pretty weird how there’s no record of the hugest attention-trollop in the universe at Ground Zero. not one photograph, not one anecdote from anyone who would have seen him there, had he actually shown up.

of all the lies this fucking liar has told in his fucking lie-strewn life, this one is the most shameful, because it spits in the face of the actual heroes — the first responders and civilian volunteers who actually went down to Ground Zero and sorted through the rubble — many of whom ended up with life-shortening medical issues as a result.

fuck you, Donny.

no, wait — I have one more observation to make and then we’re out of here, I promise.

is Trey Gowdy — the failed-Congressman-turned-Fox-News-hack who is interviewing Donny in that clip — not the kid from Deliverance all grown up?

and now you can’t unsee it. you’re welcome, America.

well, it’s 1,745 words and three-and-a-half hours since I sat down at the laptop and typed out ‘hey folks — here’s a short one for Labor Day.’

I really did try to crank out a quick one, but it look like I suck at short.

it seems that failing to write a short one for Labor day is becoming a tradition around here.

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okay, we’ve finally reached the bottom of this post. let’s reward ourselves with some Daily Claudia.

here’s a Ms Spouse triptych from one of our favorite haunts, the Matunuck Oyster Bar in South Kingston, Rhode Island, on September 21, 2022. those scallops look good, don’t they?

have a great Labor Day, everyone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

oh, to have the serene self-confidence of the mediocre white male. it must be super nice to blunder one’s way through life, while being supremely convinced of one’s own genius. and who is more sure of himself, and more mediocre, than our own Preznit Fuckwit? nobody, that’s who.

because here’s the thing about Donny: whether it’s deciding to open a sixth casino right while the other five are failing, or clownfucking his way into an unwinnable don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran, Dear Leader is fundamentally incapable of understanding that he’s about screw something up.

you can put money on it. everything Donny does is dumb as fuck.

which is why it was totally unsurprising that when Donny and his diaper nurse stepped off the plane at Morristown Municipal Airport on Friday, he was rocking some brand-new what-the-hell-even-is-that atop his fat, waterlogged head.

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make no mistake — the image at the top of this post isn’t some hack photoshop job. nor was it shat out by some janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot. it’s an actual photograph, taken by Jim Watson of the AFP.

indeed — aside from being just one more bad decision in a lifetime of bad decisions, what in the ever-loving world is going on with Donny’s hair?

who the fuck does Donny imagine he’s fooling?

I mean, if it is some king of Emotional Support Wig, it’s even more ludicrous than the one he sported for a couple-three days back in the beginning of August. at least that one sorta-kinda matched his ‘normal’ hair color.

or is Donny taking hair care tips from Nosferatu McGoebbels, who once famously spray-painted his head before going on TV?

I guarantee that whatever choice Donny made about his head, he had no idea that he was about to do something stupid.

so, why am I making such a big deal out of Donny wearing some fucked-up whatever-it-is on his head?

because it’s a microcosm of why Prexnit Fuckwit is so thoroughly unfit for office, that’s why. once again, he’s acted first and thought never.

he blundered into looking like a dipshit on the tarmac in Morristown, the same way he blundered into going broke running casinos, or blundered into completely botching the response to a pandemic, or blundered into an unwinnable war in Iran, or blundered into obliterating our military readiness, or blundered into economy-destroying tariffs, or blundered into defiling so many of our hallowed national institutions, or blundered into making all our allies hate us — by acting first and thinking never.

this is not a person you want running a country, yet here we are.

as always, it’s fucking maddening.

oh, and because you’ve all been thinking it, let’s just go ahead and do it.

holy shit, it’s scary how appropriate that looks.

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imagine looking at the system of state-sponsored cruelty and brutality that fuckheads like Nosferatu McGoebbels and Tom Homan have inflicted on America’s immigrant communities, and going ‘why are Nosferatu and Homan being such pussies about this?’

that’s right, our old friend Obergruppenführer Greg Bovino — the itsy bitsy Nazi — is back in the news. Bite-Sized Greg has turned being a racist shit-kazoo into a sort of cottage industry.

Bovino has traveled to Europe to speak with members of right-wing parties on immigration crackdowns. He has frequented far-right podcasts to amplify his uncompromising outlook on immigration enforcement, is working on a tell-all book of his time in the administration, and has lined up speaking engagements with young conservatives to share his belief that immigration is changing the fiber of this country.

oh great, a tell-all book. I can’t wait to read about how Greg had the great idea to grind up immigrants and feed them to other immigrants, but mean old Nosferatu wouldn’t listen to him. so unfair!

and because everything in MAGA-land always ends up being a grift, the Pocket Nazi is now selling his own branded whiskey, because of course he is.

Bovino has also created his own whiskey label, Commander’s Choice, with bottles available to pre-order for $99 with a label that says: “Deport them all. America first.” (“It’s a fantastic drink for law enforcement,” he told CNN. “It’s keto friendly.”)

‘it’s a fantastic drink for law enforcement.’ oh sure, drunken cops. what could possibly go wrong?

I gotta say that ‘deport them all’ is a hell of a slogan for a whiskey.

instead of biting the hand that fed him so well, this guy should be thanking his lucky stars that Donny plucked him from obscurity and turned him into some fucked-up icon of hate.

fuck that noise. let’s just take a walk down memory lane and enjoy that time Greggers got run out of that Target store when he tried to take a leak.

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oh, look who’s having a bit of a sad right now — it’s Little Miss Fear of a Black Santa.

Megyn Kelly can’t understand why MAGA is all of a sudden hating on Dear Leader, just because he’s made everyone’s lives measurably worse. suck it up, MAGA, what’s the big deal?

“they feel like they gave Trump a year and a half. he’s done nothing other than make things worse, this is how they feel, if you read the polls. and so— and they’re pissed. they’re not feeling pro-GOP right now, for a variety of reasons. they don’t tend to like the tariffs. I still am open-minded to them — but I don’t speak to the independents, even though I am one. they don’t like the war. they don’t like what’s happening in their bank accounts. and they’re staring to think the Democrats might be the better option on the economy.”

did you catch the tone of incredulity that creeps into her voice as she talks about how people now want to vote Democratic? the horror. the horror.

Megyn Kelly can fuck all the way off to infinity — and beyond.

according to plagiarism robot, Megyn’s net worth is $45 million. she’s completely lost touch with what it’s like to walk into the supermarket and discover that prices have gone up again, just as they did last week, and the week before that.

and that, my friends, is the real problem. none of these fuckers have any idea what it’s like to live in the world they’ve inflicted on We the People. nor do they care.

though once you’ve rationalized, as Megyn Kelly has, that Jeffrey Epstein raping a 15-year-old girl doesn’t actually count as pedophilia, excusing Donny for fucking up everything is kinda mild by comparison.

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and now, let’s do us our Daily Claudia.

today, let’s go back to the 1980s. here’s is Ms Spouse in what I think was her office at the Village Voice, but don’t quote me on that.

these next two were taken by Ms Spouse’s bff Mandi, in her apartment.

have a great Sunday, everyone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

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monday: wake up, babe. a new fitness tape just dropped

it must be nice to be a member of the Donnyverse. you get have all the time in the world to promote your various side-hustles — reality shows, tik-tok videos, scams, podcasts, book tours — and no one seems to give a fuck if you do your actual job.

just look at what America’s Tipsiest US Attorney™ has been up to.

“10 reps of 45 lbs. My morning workout preparing to fight crime in DC 🤣🤣🤣🇺🇸”

look, I don’t want to shame anyone for wanting to be fit and in shape — and unlike our piss-drunk Secretary of Death, Jeanine seems to be actually making an effort.

but the question must be asked: is US Attorney Boxwine trying to give us all nightmares?

holy shit. didn’t anyone look at this video before posting it? did nobody at Four Seasons Total Videography go, ‘hey, Jeanine, maybe we should do a second take, just to be on the safe side’?

but more importantly, why all the performative braggadocio? why pretend that you need to be pumped in order to fight crime?

come off it, Jeanine. you’re not a ‘crime fighter.’ you’re not Batman. you’re not patrolling the lawless streets at midnight, doling out two-fisted justice to all miscreants.

for fuck’s sake, you work a desk job. you’re a cow cosplayer who can’t even bring an indictment for Grand Theft Paint Chips, much less a conviction for Assault With A Deadly Sandwich.

mooooo.

tuesday: at least he wasn’t gnawing on grilled dog

look who else has all the time in the world to pursue anything but his actual job. it’s our Secretary of Shit-Geysers, Bobby Brainworms Jr.

let’s check in and see how things are going with his cooking show.

“when I eat breakfast, I eat a lot of protein. this morning I had a cheeseburger and three eggs.”

hang on, the Marvelous Mister Measles chowed down on three eggs and what for breakfast? can’t this dead-bear-cub-kidnapping lunatic ever do one thing that’s normal?

pro tip: ‘cheeseburger and eggs’ is not breakfast. ‘cheeseburger and eggs’ is waking up hungover and late for work, and jamming last night’s leftovers into your mouth as you run around the house in a panic, trying to remember where you left your car keys.

now, I don’t know shit about nutrition, but do you know who does? my old friend, Google’s janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot. I asked it if a cheeseburger and three eggs comprised a healthy breakfast. here’s what it told me.

A cheeseburger and three eggs provide a high-protein, low-carbohydrate meal, but it is very calorie-dense and high in saturated fat and sodium, making it a heavy choice that lacks fiber. [1]

well there you have it, folks. but you know what? while we’re on the subject of morning meals, ‘hey, plagiarism robot, is severed whale head and three eggs a healthy breakfast?’

No, a severed whale head paired with three eggs is not a healthy breakfast. While three eggs provide an excellent source of high-quality protein, vitamins, and healthy fats, incorporating a severed whale head into your morning routine introduces severe health, legal, and practical hazards.

oh my god, was that a great moment in Responsible Journalism and Everything™, or what? excuse me, I have to go clear a space on my shelf for the Pulitzer that this post is going to win me.

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wednesday: how many fingers am I holding up? trick question!

speaking of ‘holy shit, didn’t anyone look at this video before posting it,’ here comes our googly-eyed FBI director to teach a master class in why you never let the plagiarism robot do your work for you.

oh goody, Krazee-Eyes Kash has produced an AI-generated, 80-second video about how totally fucking awesome it is to let the plagiarism robot solve crimes.

now, I guess we should be grateful that for once, a member of the Donnyverse is actually doing their job, and not fating out ludicrious exercise tapes, or waxing rhapsodic about breakfast burgers, or locking his office door before passing out drunk — but look what happens eighteen seconds into the video—

‘federal bureal of investigation’? what the fuck is a ‘bureal’?

let’s ask the plagiarism robot.

“Bureal” is not a real word.

well okay, then. I’m sure glad we got that cleared up,

doesn’t anybody check this shit? can’t anyone around here competently do their job? why is it all goofballs, clownfuckers, and day drinkers?

what a great idea, to turn the important job of solving crimes over to some janky piece-of-shit computer that can be out-spelled by a sixth-grader. what could possibly go wrong?

look, if I want someone to fight crime for me, I’ll take America’s Tipsiest US Attorney over Kash and his plagiarism robot any day of the week, and twice on Sunday.

at least Jeanine Boxwine has the foresight to keep her office door unlocked while day-drinking.

thursday: how much does a dollar cost? not a trick question!

it’s a wise old saying, ‘a cultist and their money are soon parted.’

that’s right, the greediest piece of shit ever to crap himself in the Oval Bordello has figured out how make money off of selling money.

The Mint began selling Trump $1 coins to collectors at noon EDT on Wednesday in 25-coin rolls for $61 and 100-coin bags for $154.50, working out to $2.44 per coin in the 25-coin roll and about $1.55 per coin in the 100-coin bag.

and — holy shit — the fucking thing sold out.

now, I can hear you asking, ‘but Uncle Jeff, who would be dumb enough to pay money for money?’

I’ll give you one guess.

I was in waiting virtual waiting room from 11am until noon. Coins went on sale September 2 at Noon. Got my roll for the grandkids. These coins sold out very fast. By 1:15 pm they were gone.

the MAGAsphere is now literally this old meme.

and that MAGA woman’s grandkids are going to be cursing her name someday, because those ‘golden’ coins they’re going to inherit are literally worthless.

Despite their gold appearance, the coins have no actual gold and are primarily copper, with 6% zinc, 3.5% manganese and 2% nickel.

fucking idiots.

oh, and speaking of fucking idiots—

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friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™

on Friday, some fucking idiot had exactly one public event on his schedule: the signing of an executive order allowing ranchers to avoid any federal inspection of the meat they slaughter.

no inspections. that’s awesome. what could possibly go wrong? that’s right, folks — the Summer of the Human Shit-Geyser has been extended through to autumn and beyond.

the fucking idiot told the ranchers that it was now totes legal for them to kill endangered wolves.

fact check: no, it isn’t.

the fucking idiot once again shilled for the noisy, polluting data centers that he and his two felonious sons are heavily invested in.

the fucking idiot displayed the business acumen that helped him successfully bankrupt six casinos.

“We could do tremendous good for ourselves by just not trading with countries” — Trump’s bonkers view of trade is that you become wealthy by not engaging in commerce

it makes perfect sense to me. I think after I finish writing this post, I’ll wander over to my local supermarket and explain to the manager how she could be making a lot more money if she didn’t actually sell anything, and just kept her wares it all to herself.

when asked about China providing technical and economic support to Iran, the fucking idiot naturally took China’s side.

but the crowning moment of ‘What The Fuck Is Wrong With You’ came when the fucking idiot described eighteen service members dying in his unwinnable don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran as ‘small potatoes.’

and, despite that hideous display of callous sociopathy happening right in front of their faces, not one reporter stood up to in fact ask, ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

and now, let’s put a close to This Week in Stupid and have us some Daily Claudia.

here’s Ms Spouse and Tenchi the Wonder Cat, asleep on April 26, 2020.

and on New Year’s Day, 2020.

and on August 25, 2019.

and waking up, on September 6, 2019.

have a non-stupid Saturday, everyone.

do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

you’re sick of Donny’s shit. so am I.

everything about him is repugnance turned all the way up to eleven. the greed. the corruption. the preening vanity. the wanton cruelty. the infantile tantrums.

the impulsiveness. the incompetence. the pig-headed stubbornness and the inability to learn from his mistakes.

his childish obsession with gold, and the endless vulgar monuments to himself.

the misogyny, transphobia and racism.

the narcolepsy. the dementia. the rotting hands, the cankles, and the neckgina. the beady little pig eyes. the fluorescent tangerine skin. that fucked-up rat’s nest of cotton-candy bullshit he hot-glues the top of his big, dumb pumpkin head.

yeah, we’ve all had it up to here with Donny. but you know who else is fed up with Dear Leader’s shit?

this guy.

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reporter: “didn’t Trump promise to bring down prices? you voted for him three times. are you disappointed?”

MAGA: “disappointed. very disappointed. prices aren’t down. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m over it, I think. I’m over the Trump thing. the Trump wagon, we’ll call it.”

reporter: “if you could talk directly to the president, about the war, about the prices, about the economy, what would you tell him?”

MAGA: “stop the bullshit.”

now, as you watched that clip, you had one of two possible reactions.

the first would be, ‘fuck you, you fucking fuck. you were totally down with all of Donny’s fuckery, right up until the moment it affected you personally. boo fucking hoo.’

the second would be, ‘welcome to the Dark Side, bro.’

both reactions are legitimate, but that’s not really important. what’s important is that MAGA is sick of Donny’s shit — and that helps us in November.

tell me, is it a bad thing for your political party when a top election analyst tells you that you should ‘brace yourself’ for an electoral disaster?

With 64 days before Election Day, Republicans should brace themselves: The three most plausible outcomes are that it will be bad, really bad, or truly horrible.

dude — shoot that shit straight into my veins.

now, let’s get real. we can’t expect our pissed-off cultist in that clip to vote for a Dem. Democrats, after all, are communists who will force everyone to be mutilized transgenderly once they get back into power. that shit’s a bridge too far for MAGA — but it’s very likely that he’ll stay home and sit out the midterms.

and he’s not alone.

Q: If you could say something to President Trump, what would it be?

Three-time Trump voter: Get a more of a reality of what people are living like. Go live with a senior citizen living on $1,500 a month in social security. See how we have to live.

Q: So you’re feeling it?

Trump voter: Yeah

that’s one more cultist who’s likely to stay at home on election day.

at long last, Dear Leader is losing his mojo. everything he does just makes him more unpopular.

President Donald Trump has dropped another clunker in the laps of his fellow Republicans in the run-up to the 2026 midterm elections.

His new trade war with Canada and his related move to change the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America” are the latest in a series of unpopular actions.

In fact, new polling suggests they’re even more unpopular than Trump’s previous tariffs and efforts to rename things.

and the bad news for the Donnyverse just keeps piling up.

The global sell-off in the bond market is hitting the housing market, with US mortgage rates surging to their highest level of the year. That’s putting fresh pressure on home shoppers and homeowners hoping to refinance.

The average 30-year fixed mortgage rate rose to 6.71% this week, according to Freddie Mac. That’s the highest level since July 2025.

Donny likes to whine about how ‘affordability’ is just some word that commie Democrats made up, but try explaining that to anyone who’s trying to fill the tank of their truck.

CHICAGO (AP) — Diesel hit a record price in the U.S. on Friday, soaring to an average of $5.85 a gallon for the first time as the six-month war with Iran disrupts the world’s flow of fuel.

Because diesel is used for many freight and delivery networks, higher diesel prices mean higher transportation costs for a long list of everyday goods.

don’t look to Dear Leader — or any of his Republicans enablers — to fix any of this shit. they have no solutions. all they have are gaslighting and lies.

Fox News yammering yutz: “consumer confidence fell in August. Americans are worried about gas prices, what they're seeing at the grocery store, healthcare prices.”

House Majority Whip Tom Emmer: “what do you expect the public to feel when the left-wing media is telling American it’s not good out there? it is!”

ohhhh. well, now that Tom Emmer was nice enough to explain it to us— HOLD ON THERE. WAIT JUST ONE GODDAMNED MINUTE. WHAT LEFT-WING MEDIA? there is no left-wing media. the oligarchy has bought it all up and fired anyone not loyal to Dear Leader.

find me some left-wing media that’s not MSNOW. I dare you.

you’ll find Bigfoot fucking a unicorn while the Loch Ness Monster watches, before you find any left-wing media.

(update: 12:19pm — someone just canceled their paid subscription, and said it was because of the unicorn joke. now, I never whine about canceled subscriptions. people come and people go. it happens every day. but over a unicorn joke? what in the actual fuck? okay, back to the narrative. —jeff t.)

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Donny’s a fucking moron, but he is a bit of an idiot savant when it comes to self-preservation.

he knows that his party is facing electoral Armageddon, so it’s no wonder he’s gone running to his six corrupt, bought-and-paid-for SCOTUS hacks to once again bail him out.

The Trump administration asked the Supreme Court on Thursday to immediately allow new restrictions on mail-in balloting, potentially setting up a major legal clash that could affect millions of voters for November’s midterm elections.

The fight could possibly upend election procedures just as states begin to send out mail-in ballots in pivotal contests that will determine control of the U.S. House and Senate.

fucking with mail-in balloting this close to the election would throw the whole process into chaos. human sacrifice! dogs and cats living together! mass hysteria!

but that’s the whole point. chaos always works in Donny’s favor.

in any sane world, all nine SCOTUS justices would tell Donny to fuck himself to Mars. this one’s a no-brainer, or at least it should be. the executive branch has no role in local elections.

hands off, fuckface.

but of course we don’t live in a sane world. we live in a world where Fishin’ Trip Sammy, Luxury RV Clarence, and Nihilist Neil all rule the way their oligarch overlords tell them to, so they’re going to tie themselves into rhetorical pretzels in order to come up with a justification for why Dear Leader is a Very Special Boy Who Gets To Meddle In Any Election He Wants To — even though the Constitution expressly forbids the federal government from interfering with state-run elections.

the question is, will John Roberts, Amy Coney Barrett and Blackout Brett Kavanaugh join them?

as always, it’s fucking maddening.

now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to glue all the pieces of my exploded head back together.

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everything totally fucking sucks right now, but at least we can laugh at Donny’s eternally clownish incompetence.

In a months-long summer saga that does not appear to want to end, the Trump administration has hired yet another new company to help clean and maintain the Lincoln Reflecting Pool — adding more cost and more questions to the renovation project that was meant to be a showcase of the country’s 250th birthday.

you know, I’m beginning to suspect that Donny is an imbecile who has no fucking clue what he’s doing. how did he ever manage to successfully run six casinos?

oh wait — he didn’t.

I can’t wait to hear his explanation about how the need to hire a third contractor to fix the shit that was never broken in the first place is the fault of some Amphifa frog doing Grand Theft Paint Chips.

in two weeks, workers are going to begin construction on Donny’s 250-foot tall Epstein Arch — despite having no approval to do so.

given Dear Leader’s track record, how badly is he going to fuck this up? how many times will it need to be redone?

I guess we’re going to find out.

lucky us.

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well, it’s Friday. we made it through another week in one piece. let’s reward ourselves with some Daily Claudia and get out of here.

today, lets celebrate dinner with friends. here’s Scott, Jim, Rich, Kathy, Jeanny, Dara, yours truly, and Ms Spouse at our favorite table at Peter Pratt’s Inn in Yorktown Heights, NY on February 8, 2025.

again at our favorite table at Peter Pratt’s, on March 15, 2024, it’s Kathy, Ms Spouse, Scott, yours truly, PJ and Alex.

and, finally, at I don’t remember where, it’s Jeanny, Kathy, Ms Spouse, Scott, Rich and some guy, on January 13, 2024.

have a great Friday, everyone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

it’s 11:23 in the morning on Wednesday. President Doughy J. Pantload is in the Oval Bordello, playing patty-cake with his diaper nurse.

suddenly, he perks up. inspiration has struck. ‘Natalie, I have a brilliant idea. it’s a brilliant idea like few thought possible. it just may be the most brilliant idea of all time.’

cackling, he picks up his phone and starts typing.

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Now that we have it under U.S.A. control, should we change the name Hormuz Strait to TRUMP STRAIT??? Like America itself, it would be “hotter” than ever before! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP

and Diaper Nurse Natty, big, strong, with tears of undying affection welling up in her eyes, goes, ‘sir! sir! how do you do it? how do you come up with the idea to once again rename water? sir!’

holy shit. there it is, folks. the president’s brain has left the station. dumbfuck doesn’t get any more dumbfuckier than this. that’s right, Donny has officially arrived at Peak Dumbfuck.

Donny’s post is the perfect convergence of monumental stupidity, pathological narcissism, supreme delusion, and over-ripe diaper.

‘the Strait is mine now, I’m going to put my name on it.’

fuck off, Donny. fuck straight off into the sea.

make no mistake, the United States does not control the Strait of Hormuz, no matter how many times Donny claims it does, and then thanks us for our attention.

am I right, six-fingered plagiarism robot?

No, the Strait of Hormuz is not under official U.S. control, though U.S. leadership claims operational dominance amid an active military conflict with Iran. [1, 2]

damn straight I’m right.

but me and the robot being right doesn’t stop Preznit Fuckwit or his piss-drunk Secretary of Death from claiming on a daily basis that the war with Iran has been won, Iran’s military has been destroyed, the Strait is now officially Donny’s own little fiefdom, yadda yadda yadda.

that’s the beauty of having entire ‘news’ channels acting as state-run media. Donny and his flunkies get to say anything they want, never receiving the even the slightest bit of gentle pushback.

hell, you don’t even have to be consistent. you can contradict yourself all day long. it doesn’t matter. here’s Exhibit A: Donny’s granny-starving Commerce Secretary, Howard Nutlick — oops, I mean Lutnick. weird how people keep making that mistake.

did you know that Howie was against data centers before he was for them? it’s true — check out these two side-by-side clips.

Lutnick yesterday: “data centers don’t use water. this is propaganda by our adversaries to try to slow us down.”

Lutnick a year ago: “these AI things suck water. they need water.”

Donny and his minions are going to shove data centers down our throats, despite the fact that no voter — Republican or Democrat — wants any part of them.

yeah, well, all you voters can go fuck yourselves. Donny wants as many of these resource-devouring noise-and-pollution factories built as possible, because he and his felonious sons are enriching themselves off them — so he’s sent out his flunkies to go on all the compliant news channels and lie their faces off about how wonderful data centers are, and how only a traitor would object to living next door to one.

Nutlick knows he’s lying. he knows that data centers require an environment-destroying shitload of water — because he went on TV a year ago and said that very thing. but it doesn’t matter what Nutlick or anyone else said a year ago. the yammering bobbleheads on Fox and Newsmax never push back, and never ask followup questions.

they just memory hole that shit — voila, now data centers are goooooood.

reality is whatever Dear Leader says it is on any given day — and George Orwell, wherever he is right now, is screaming, ‘you fuckers. 1984 was supposed to be a cautionary tale, not an instruction manual.’

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now let’s circle back to Donny, because he also took a moment yesterday to gloat about how five corrupt members of the Supreme Court ruled that he is a Very Special Boy Who Can Destroy Any Hallowed Institution He Wants.

We have hundreds of happy construction workers in D.C. busily doing their job building the finest Ballroom/Military complex anywhere in the World. There is nothing like it, and never will be! It was a long, hard, fight in the Court System, but the winner is, as always under “TRUMP,” the U.S.A. Also, it is important to remember, the Ballroom is a 400 Million Dollar gift to America! President DJT

heh-heh-heh, he said long and hard.

oh wait, Donny isn’t finished fucking up shit that doesn’t be belong to him.

get ready for your Outrage of the Day.

The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts removed a major outdoor sculpture from the center’s grounds on Wednesday. The work, installed in 2019, was targeted for elimination after President Trump’s takeover of the center, according to internal documents obtained by The New York Times.

just like when Donny bulldozed the historic East Wing in order to build his fugly Epstein Dance Hall™, there was no advance warning that fuckery was afoot. the first anyone heard about the shitcanning of Blue was when a work crew showed up unannounced, early yesterday morning, and started dismantling it.

why would Donny cart away a precious work of art that was a gift from the artist?

easy answer: he’s a tasteless vulgarian halfwit who doesn’t understand modern art — and he’s offended by that which he doesn’t understand. he sees it, and thinks it’s mocking him. ‘what are those supposed to be, sticks? I hate it.’

I can’t wait to find out what shittastic gold-plated abomination Donny puts up in Blue’s place — because you know that’s exactly what he’s going to do. hey, maybe he’ll erect (heh-heh-heh) a duplicate of the golden statue of himself that now stands at one of his vermin-infested Florida golf motels.

that’s more Donny’s speed.

ugh. who does this? can you imagine being in such constant need of self-affirmation that you put up a gold statue of your own corpulent self? how fucking broken inside to you have to be, to not be embarrassed by your own bottomless fragility?

I have a better idea. remember the Donny animatronic that Disney put up in their Hall of Presidents? you remember that one, right? Disney was so sure that the Email Lady was going to win in 2016 that they didn’t even wait for the election, and went ahead and constructed a Hillary animatronic — and then when Donny won, they had to hastily rejigger it, and it ended up looking like some weird, fucked-up nightmare mishmash of both of them. they couldn’t even get Donny’s neckgina right.

let’s put that up on display in our nation’s Capitol. it’s a more-fitting tribute to our Usurper-in-Chief, our Grand Defiler of Everything He Touches.

remember, none of this shit is Donny’s personal property. all of this belongs to We the People.

I really, truly hope the Kennedy Center hasn’t destroyed Blue, and instead put it into safe storage somewhere, so that our next president’s Secretary of Un-Fucking All That Shit can put it back where it belongs.

I volunteer to help. who’s with me?

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I think it’s high time for some Daily Claudia, don’t you?

holy shit, look at these two freaks. this is from around 1981 or 1982. I believe we were at the Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz, NY.

and here we are, decades later, hanging out at Scott and Kathy’s dock on June 14, 2020.

have a great Thursday, everyone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

yesterday was another one of those days where you simply could not escape the stupid. it was all over the place. here a stupid, there a stupid, everywhere a stupid stupid — and you know what that means: it’s time once again to drag out the old Big Wheel of Moron™, give it a vigorous spin, and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

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oh look — the saddest man in the universe is having an even bigger sad right now.

Milo Yiannopoulos: “I didn’t really understand the physical reality of how institutionalized the brutality is in America. the manner in which they arrest you, they put you in manacles, everybody is arrested like an MS 13 gang member. it was physically degrading. It was frightening. I don’t think I’ve ever been frightened like that before. I was weeping like an old woman for an hour. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

look, Milo’s not wrong about how demonically medieval ICE is, in their treatment of the unfortunate souls in their custody — but at the same time, he can fuck all the way off, because Milo openly rooted for this level of brutality to be directed at immigrants.

Milo was totally down with ICE’s sadistic tactics, right up until the moment that the handcuffs closed around his wrists — and that’s his real complaint: they treated him like an ‘MS13 gang member.’ — like a brown person. the horror!

Milo should be thanking his lucky stars how relatively good he got it. he was detained, and twenty-four hours later, he was back in the land of his birth.

Milo wasn’t disappeared for weeks or months into some hellish detention center with too few beds and inadequate bathroom facilities. he didn’t have his medical needs ignored. he didn’t get deported to Uganda. he didn’t end up in some Salvadoran slave-labor gulag. he didn’t fucking die in custody, and then have his death covered up by ICE.

so shut the fuck up, Milo. get a little perspective, and stop whining on TV.

okay, I’d better calm down and spin that Big Wheel of Moron™ again, before the throbbing vein in my forehead explodes. here we go—

it’s stunning how United States Vice President Couchfuck McGee can never have a normal human response to anything.

“we’re about to celebrate the 25th year [of 9/11].”

granted, the furniture molester corrects himself — but why is ‘celebrate’ where is brain goes first? who does that?

how does this guy always manage to turn every public appearance into a minefield of awkwardness?

‘so, how long have you been celebrating 9/11? HA HA, THAT’S GREAT.’

hey, do you know who actually did celebrate on 9/11?

of course you do. while the rest of us were freaking out over the smoking pile of rubble where the Twin Towers used to be, Little Donny Fuckface was phoning into TV stations to brag about how he now had the tallest building in lower Manhattan.

ugh, what an asshole. what a totally inappropriate thing to say. once a psychopath, always a psychopath.

okay, let’s give that wheel another spin—

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now, somebody explain explain to me, what in the small-batch artisanal fuck is going on here?

Sean Duffy: “I’m gonna give you my take on Sydney Sweeney’s breasts… God made us a certain way, to appreciate and want to mate with a woman.”

what, what? who asked for this?

I just made a list of all the things I want in this world, and do you know what was the very last thing on that list? Sean Duffy’s take on Sydney Sweeny’s bodacious ta-tas.

doesn’t this guy have a job to do? isn’t he, y’know, in charge of making sure planes don’t fall from the sky? shouldn’t he be focusing on that, instead of showing up on Fox News to yammer about some actress’s blouse puppies?

oh, and men — can we talk? women are not put on this earth as objects for you to gawk at. and we certainly do not need to hear your theories about ‘why are breasts.’

for fuck’s sake, keep it to yourself.

my god. let’s get out of here, and let the Big Wheel do its thing again—

folks, that smug, haughty bastard Soybean Scott Bessent is hella mad right now. he’s furious as fuck over the fact that our nation’s press keeps asking Iran for their side of the story.

“everyone in this audience and every news outlet should be ashamed for taking a lying regime at face value.”

holy shit, my irony detector just started making shrieking noises.

‘taking a lying regime at face value’ is pretty much the job description of the White House press corps these days. they’re expected to sit quietly and dutifully transcribe the fibs and fabrications that seep from Dear Leader’s rancid anus-mouth.

heaven forfend should one of them have the temerity to question any of Donny’s kingly pronouncements — especially if the questioner is a woman.

but there’s one thing I need to know: why is the Secretary of the Treasury giving updates on the state of the don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran? shouldn’t that be the job of someone at the Pentagon? what happened, did Piss-Drunk Pete pass out under a pile of empty vodka bottles again?

did they need to press Soybean Scott into service at the last minute? that’s the only logical reason for it.

none of this makes one lick of sense. Donny’s entire cabinet is made up of dumbfucks who have no qualifications for the jobs they’ve been given — and then they’re sent out to freelance on shit they know even less about.

why is the Transportation Secretary on Fox News, opining on some woman’s knockers?

why is Couchfuck McGee even allowed out in public?

it’s all so eternally fucking dumb.

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and, finally, we have this.

Fox News yammering yutz: “the problem is teens and young adults. from ages 15–19, the fertility rate is down 70% in the last 2 decades, which means we are telling people who are young not to have babies.”

what did we all just listen to? is this guy actually complaining that not enough teenage girls are getting preggers?

I don’t even know what to say. I am speechless. I am literally without speech.

I think that’s more than enough stupid for one day. it’s time for some Daily Claudia.

this is a bittersweet day for me. Ms Spouse and I were married on September 2, 1984. if she were still with us, we would be celebrating our 42nd anniversary today.

here’s our wedding photo.

I miss her so much.

have a great Wednesday, everyone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

no, seriously. fuck you, Google Maps. fuck all the way off. start fucking off over here, and then just fuck yourself all the way to over there — and then keep on going, until you’ve fucked yourself right to the very edge of the universe.

and when you get there, eat the yummy bowl of fuck that’s waiting for you.

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if those previous two sentences seem familiar to you, that’s because it’s how I opened my July 20, 2025 post, ‘CBS can pretty much fuck all the way off.’ I then used it a second time, in my September 18, 2025 post, ‘ABC can pretty much fuck all the way off.’

and now I’m using it a third time, because, in fact, it’s now Google Maps’ turn to pretty much fuck all the way off.

Google Maps has changed the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America” for U.S. users to reflect President Donald Trump’s executive order renaming the lake, according to ​a Google statement.

that’s right, Google is the latest den of corporate shitweasels to kowtow to the childish whims of Preznit Fuckwit. if you’re in the US and you type ‘Lake Ontario’ into Google Maps, what you’ll get instead is ‘Lake America.’

it’s so fucking embarrassing. the Mad King has commanded that all his royal subjects are forever forbidden from acknowledging that anything named Ontario exists, all because Ontario Premier Doug Ford had the temerity to suggest that Donny might ought to kiss his ass.

how immature can one person be? you’re eighty years old, Donny, it’s time to grow the fuck up.

Google wants to you believe they had no choice in the matter but to comply. ‘boo hoo hoo, pity us’ they blubbered. ‘we get our mapping data from the government. we have no control over that shit.’

“Since we update Google Maps to reflect name changes in ​official government sources, which is GNIS for the U.S., people using Maps in the U.S. will see ‘Lake America,” Google said in a blog post ​Saturday.

that’s a stinky pile of horse manure. the truth is that Google was so horny to appease Dear Leader that they didn’t even wait for the government to update its official maps. they went ahead and swiftly implemented their own change.

Google was even quicker to switch over to Lake America than the US government. While the GNIS database acknowledges the name change in a summary report, the base map layer still reflects the internationally recognized name of Lake Ontario. A message across the top of the USGS-operated website notes that the change to official maps is still pending.

cool story, Google, about how you had no choice in the matter. tell it again.

what Google Maps should have done, was nothing.

let me remind you, Donny’s infantile royal decree came in the form of an executive order. it can not be overstated that executive orders are not laws. only federal employees of the executive branch are required to abide by them. private citizens don’t have to do shit. corporations don’t have to do shit.

remember ‘don’t obey in advance’? that was historian Timothy Snyder’s sage advice, after Donny somehow managed to slither his way back into power.

“Most of the power of authoritarianism is freely given. In times like these, individuals think ahead about what a more repressive government will want, and then offer themselves without being asked. A citizen who adapts in this way is teaching power what it can do.”

obeying in advance is how fascism wins.

the answer to every one of Donny’s childish pronouncements should eternally be, ‘fuck you, make me.’

be this guy.

we don’t need any more corporations rolling over and doing whatever Donny demands.

what we need are heroes.

here’s what I wrote last year, after CBS appeased Dear Leader by canceling the Stephen Colbert’s show. let’s just replace ‘CBS and Paramount’ with ‘Google.’

Google Maps and Google are being cowards — and we don’t need any cowards right now. we’re all stocked up with cowards. we’ve got cowards up the yin-yang.

heroes, that’s what we’re in desperate need of.

no one ever went to bed with fascism and came up smelling like roses.

no one ever said gee, I’m so glad that faceless corporation collaborated with fascists.

fascist regimes come, and fascist regimes go. when this current nightmare finally runs its course, no one is going to say ‘wasn’t it awesome how Google slobbered all over Dear Leader’s shoes?’

the people we’re going to look back on with admiration will be the ones who stood up said ‘take your fascist bullshit and stick it where the sun don’t shine.’

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but of course, the real issue here is that Google wants fascism to win.

why? data centers, that’s why.

Big Tech needs more and more data centers, to feed the insatiable and ever-growing need for power to run their janky, six-fingered plagiarism robots.

the thing is, data centers totally fucking suck, and voters hate them. no one wants to live next to one — nobody, not Republicans, not Democrats. it’s a true bipartisan issue.

they’re huge. they’re ugly. they’re oppressively noisy. they pollute. they jack up everyone’s electric bills sky high, and destroy property values. if one of these abominations goes up in your neighborhood, it’s game over, man.

data centers have become such political liability that even Texas’s razor-wire-booby-trap-loving psychopath governor, Greg Abbott, is now pretending to be against them.

despite massive opposition to all of Big Tech’s fuckery, there’s one stupid shit who loves him some data centers and doesn’t mind saying so — and of course you know who it is: Donny. he somehow manages to be on the wrong side of every issue.

The only reason that communities throughout the U.S.A. should not want Data Centers is if they want to end up being backwards and poor. If they want to be successful and rich, with far lower taxes and jobs all over the place, let Data Reign. The good news is that there are plenty of other places that want them. If we kill the Golden Goose, you will only have yourselves to blame. China could not be happier with this anti Data Center movement. Actually, they can’t believe it is happening! President DJT

that’s right — if you object to having your quality of life destroyed by a data center, it’s because you’re a fucking loser who’s backwards and poor. what the fuck is wrong with you?

the thing is, Donny’s too demented to actually understand the issue, and too sociopathically unfeeling to give a shit about what the poor schmucks who have to live next to one of these infernal things have to endure.

all he knows is that tech companies like Google are lining up to bribe him into letting them do whatever the fuck they want.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Big Tech companies have spent at least $653 million cozying up to President Donald Trump and Republicans in Congress, according to a new report from Public Citizen. This funding is part of a deliberate effort by tech CEOs to ingratiate themselves with the Trump administration by heaping excessive praise on the president while going along with his unpopular and authoritarian policies.

oh, and Donny and his felonious sons have a personal stake in the success of data centers, because of course they do.

Just weeks after their father announced a major push to expand the country’s artificial intelligence infrastructure and loosen regulations on the industry, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump invested in a new company aiming to build data centers “to address the growing demand for high-performance computing infrastructure.”

these corrupt fucking goniffs have to have their fingers in every pie.

so there you have it. of course Google is going to bend over backwards to accommodate the whims of our easily-bought-off Toddler-in-Chief, and fall all the fuck over themselves in a mad dash to rename Lake Ontario to anything Dear Leader wants.

meanwhile, as always, We the People are cordially invited to go fuck ourselves. if we didn’t want data centers befouling our towns, we should have had the foresight to donate $653 million to Dear Leader.

personally, I like AOC’s solution to the issue of where to build data centers.

PabloReports: “what do you make of Trump saying Americans who oppose data centers are backwards and poor?”

AOC: “I mean, how about we put one in Mar-a-Lago? I love that. let’s put a data center at Mar-a-Lago, and we’ll see how backwards and poor he is in response to that.”

seriously, I’m fucking loving this idea. let’s build a noisy, pollution-belching data center right on that green area, above the tennis courts. let’s see how Donny likes that.

in fact, I’m going to go one better.

yesterday, Donny held another one of his dog-and-pony shows. as usual, he slept though most of it.

you know what? it’s put a data center right in the Oval Bordello.

the ungodly noise will keep the stupid shit awake.

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oh look, here we are at the bottom of the post. you know what that means: it’s Daily Claudia time.

here’s Ms Spouse doing a little gardening on May 26, 2016.

and here she is on the patio, waiting for her devoted husband to finish making Sunday brunch, on September 30, 2018.

and here she is, somewhere, someplace, on June 1, 2011.

have a great Tuesday everyone. remember, only losers object to having dirty noise factories built next to their house.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

loyal and patriotic citizens, please stand by for a message of the utmost importance from the President of the United States, Supreme Ruler of the Western Hemisphere, Lord-Emperor of the Sky Above and All the Planets, Conqueror Of Every War, God’s Own Avatar on Earth, Grand Renamer of Water, and the Dumbest Fucking Imbecile to Ever Shit Himself Raw In the Oval Bordello.

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Kharg Island being blown to smithereens!!! President DJT

fact check: fuck off.

Kharg Island is, in fact, not being blown to smithereens. this ten-second video is the work of some six-fingered plagiarism robot. the only thing being blown to smithereens right now is the last shred of America’s dignity, as the world laughs — and then shakes its head sadly — at our Demented Boy King.

Preznit Fuckwit couldn’t blow Kharg Island to smithereens if he wanted to. he doesn’t have any ground troops in place, and his supply of missiles has been depleted.

what Donny is waging against Iran right now is some sort of Kabuki war, where every few weeks, he lobs a couple of our remaining missiles at some ambiguous target in Iran — as he did yesterday — and Iran retaliates by attacking one of our bases in the Middle East — as they did yesterday.

it’s all so fucking pointless, and it accomplishes nothing. the Strait of Hormuz remains virtually closed.

* * *

picture this: it’s 10:18 Sunday night in the White House. the diaper nurse — big, strong, with tears in her eyes — comes up to Dear Leader and goes, ‘sir! sir! look at this video of Kharg Island that I found online! sir!’ — and Donny replies, ‘hurr! hurr! smithereens! post that!’

the question must be asked: does Donny even know that what he’s looking at is AI-generated slop? does he thinks it’s real?

how fucking terrifying is it that we have to ask? how even more terrifying is it that we don’t know the answer?

of course, MAGA thinks it’s real, because MAGA has the collective intelligence of a gnat.

free clue for the cultists: of all the battles that have never happened, the Battle of Kharg Island is the one that has never happened the most.

* * *

meanwhile, Captain Crazypants and his creepy blonde stalker had themselves quite the day online, yesterday.

check out Donny, working himself into a five-alarm hissy because he saw Kristen Welker on NBC committing the unspeakably fiendish crime of stating an objective fact.

Kristen Welker, the Unpopular “Hostess” of the once great Meet the Press, now considered Meet the Fake Press, just stated that Donald Trump has “mixed results” on his Endorsements of Candidates

piss-baby tyrant says what? the guy who just posted a video of an imaginary battle has a lot of goddamned gall to call anything ‘fake news.’

Because of this purposeful inaccuracy, she will be reported to the FCC for rebuke or punishment.

Diaper Nurse Natalie wrote this post, didn’t she? Donny would never use a five-dollar word like ‘rebuke.’

oh goody, more Kabuki. Donny’s gonna huff and puff and go running to Brendan Carr and demand rebuke or punishment — and then he’s going to get distracted by the next shiny object that appears before him. THANK YOU FOR YOUR LACK OF ATTENTION SPAN TO THIS MATTER.

free clue for Donny and Natty: we still have a First Amendment in this country, and while Dear Leader can power-load as many diapers as he wants, he can’t do shit about hearing facts that hurt his fragile fee-fees.

I hope NBC tells the FCC to go fuck itself, just like ABC did last week.

Further escalating its battle with the Trump administration, ABC on Tuesday took the rare step of suing the Federal Communications Commission on First Amendment grounds, saying the agency's demand for early review of broadcast licenses posed an "existential threat" to its operations.

more like this, please.

by the way, the FCC does have an online complaint form that anyone can use.

unfortunately, ‘I’m a thin-skinned rage-monkey and NBC was very very mean to me’ is not an option in the drop-down menu.

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let’s keep scrolling though Dear Leader’s crappy app, shall we?

oh dear, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is confabulating again.

Canadian businesses are pouring into the United States. We want to make our own cars, etc. That’s what’s going to happen. Canada has been ripping us off for years — NO LONGER! President DJT

really? is this true? I’m not seeing any evidence of this. there are no suspiciously polite businesses popping up in my home town. what about yours?

I smell a rat.

hey, six-fingered plagiarism robot, when you’re done rendering imaginary war videos for Dear Leader, can you tell us if it’s true that Canadian business are pouring into the US?

There is no concrete proof or data showing that Canadian businesses are actually pouring into the United States, despite a claim made by U.S. President Donald Trump.

so, Donny’s making shit up again. why am I not surprised?

why am I also not surprised that the very next post in Donny’s feed contradicts the first one, and practically begs Canadian businesses to relocate in the US?

Let all Canadian Companies that are doing business with America move to the United States, immediately. Many of them are Companies that moved out years ago due to stupid U.S. Leadership. When you move back, there are no TARIFFS! President DONALD J. TRUMP

it’s just pure, unadulterated incoherence from Donny and Natty, pretty much twenty-four hours a day. come on, get your stories straight, you two.

now, what the fuck is this even supposed to depict?

Donny and the stalker never actually look at what they post, do they? I guarantee that all Natty saw was the object of her affection, looking all super fucking powerful and manly, and went running to show it to him.

but what is actually going on? why is the American flag all tattered and full of holes? how did it get that way? did Donny do that? why is he walking away from it?

did Donny win the Battle of Tattered Flag?

none of it makes one lick of sense. it’s devoid of any meaning at all, and Donny’s feed is just littered with this kind of dumbfuckery, over and over and over, round the clock. it’s batshit insane.

she’s just as nutso as he is.

Donny and Natty do social media the same way they do everything else — by acting first and thinking never.

that’s great. two overgrown children, both of whom have completely broken with reality, are running the country — and one of them wasn’t even elected.

lucky us.

what could possibly go wrong?

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let’s palate cleanse with this video that New York City’s communo-islamo-fascist Mayor, Zohran Mamdani, put up on social media yesterday.

he’s so fucking good at mayoring.

“New York, are you tired of waiting for your neighborhood park to get fixed? meet the Renew Crew: a squad of painters, plumbers, electricians and pros who will bring fast fixes to wherever they’re needed the most. if it’s faded, broken, cracked, or even just missing, the Renew Crew has it covered.”

no wonder Mamdani has every Republican shitting their pants right now. no wonder they’re all trying paint him as some kind of Sharia-law-happy terrorist. he’s so much better at retail politics than they will ever be.

he’s got charisma oozing out of every pore. he knows the right things to say. he knows how to connect with people.

but most importantly, he gets shit done.

imagine, a mayor that works for We the People, instead of the oligarchy. whooda thunk it?

don’t you wish we had a president like that?

oh, and bonus points to Mamdani and his team, for using the theme music from the TV show Parks and Recreation. that’s just pure awesome. chef’s kiss. ten out of ten. no notes.

hey, let’s do some Daily Claudia and get out of here, because I’ve already been prattling on for way too long.

here are two from the 1980s, taken by Ms Spouse’s bff Mandi, in her apartment.

have a great Monday, everyone. remember to think before you post.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

folks, the ‘fuck your feelings’ crowd is having a lot of feelings right now.

Milo Yiannopoulos, the fascist-adjacent grifter-slash-provocateur-slash-pedophilia-apologist, was detained by ICE on Thursday, and then swiftly deported back to his native Great Britain.

let me say, right up top: fuck ICE — and fuck Milo, too. there are no good guys in this story. Milo totally fucking sucks, and at the same time, masked federal goons should not be roaming our airports, looking for people to persecute. both things are true.

that said, let me give you my dispassionate take on Milo’s plight:

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

seriously, fuck that guy.

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in case you need a little catching up, here’s the long-story-short of it. Milo Yiannopoulos, a British citizen, a MAGA grifter, and a complete piece of fascist shit, entered the US in May of 2019, to work as a sort of resident shit-kazoo for the far-right Breitbart News. he got summarily shitcanned for being a total embarrassment, after he opined that wanting to have sex with little boys was totes understandable. he overstayed his visa, blew off an immigration hearing last month, was detained by ICE on Thursday at Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport, and deported the very next day.

all caught up? good, because the other thing you need to know about Milo is that he clearly never though the leopards were going to eat his face.

California needs ICE checkpoints at supermarket entrances, gas stations, strip malls, intersections and government buildings, with on the spot deportation for anyone who can’t prove they are in the US legally.

wait a minute, wait a minute — are you telling me that the fascist little shit who called for ICE checkpoints everywhere, with swift deportations for anyone found to be in the country illegally, got nabbed at an ICE checkpoint and was swiftly deported after being found in the country illegally?

holy fuck, I think I’m overdosing on schadenfreude right now.

boo fucking hoo, bro. sucks to be you. next time, be more careful what you wish for.

oh, you know who else never thought the leopards would eat Milo’s face? the entire MAGAsphere, that’s who. pour one out for the cultists, they’re going through some things right now.

Milo Yiannopoulos is as spiritually American as it can get. I hope this misunderstanding is corrected!

we all know what Pizzagate Mike Cernovich really means when he calls Milo ‘spiritually American’ — he means Milo’s white, and what the fuck is ICE doing, deporting a white guy? that’s not the way it’s supposed to work!

oh, and I hate to be the one to break it to Pizzagate Mike, but the deportation of Milo was no ‘misunderstanding.’

au contraire, mon frère — he was targeted. DHS was super fucking proud of their work. they made an example out of Milo, posting a mugshot of him looking very very very sad up onto Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium.

look how sad Saddy McSadsad is — so sad.

so, all of this raises the question: why target Milo? he seems right up fascism’s alley, doesn’t he? well, the best answer I can give you is because reasons.

Milo had broken with the Donnyverse, and aligned himself with roasted-ball-sack aficionado Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson, who now totally fucking hates Dear Leader and is trying get him out of office. Milo also worked for a while as an unpaid intern for the now-unpersonned Marjorie Three-Toes Greene, who has also aligned herself with Roasted McBallsack. Three-Toes is not very happy with the treatment Milo’s gotten.

All laws must be enforced. So when is the admin going to obey the law and release all of the Epstein files? Or prosecute the pedos and rapists in the files? I guess you all are too busy with Milo after he criticized Israel killing kids in Gaza.

for fuck’s sake Marge, stop breaking our hearts.

look, I warned you that there were no good guys in this story.

and then there’s Laura Loomer.

Milo and Loopy Laura fucking hate each other. why? um, because reasons. it doesn’t matter why. what matters is that Loopy is taking credit for getting Milo deported.

LOOMERED

Milo Yiannopoulos is in ICE custody after I exposed his illegal alien lifestyle.

holy shit! this is like, ‘what if the worst people in the world all turned on each other, and started started one big fucking clownfight?’

of course, this is exactly what’s going on. fascists always turn on each other, in an insatiable quest for power.

the Nazis had their ‘Night of the Long Knives.’

In Germany, Nazi leader Adolf Hitler orders a bloody purge of his own political party, assassinating hundreds of Nazis whom he believed had the potential to become political enemies in the future. The event became known as the Night of the Long Knives.

it’s pretty weird how everything the Donnyverse does, the Nazis did first. what a crazy bunch of coincidences.

anyway, Loopy Laura’s boast about getting Milo deported is actually kind of credible. she does have Dear Leader’s ear.

remember, for a while back there in December 2024, Laura was a sort of Diaper Nurse 1.0, constantly by Donny’s side — except in Loomer’s case, his minders were successful in having her banished.

so it’s totally conceivable that Laura Loomer pulled a few strings, and it was all buh-bye, Milo.

or, it’s entirely possible that Laura is just talking shit, for the millionth time in her attention-addicted life. I did warn you that everyone in this story totally fucking sucks.

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meanwhile, the MAGAverse is having a Humongous Sad right now.

You people are truly disgusting. Tens of millions of illegals are running around America, but you weaponize government only against those who offend your buddies.

We voted for mass deportations - not performative weaponization.

Tami needs to stop whining. she is getting exactly what she voted for — the mass round-ups of brown people, who are then stripped of their rights and deported to who the fuck cares, just them out of Tami’s sight.

like Pizzagate Mike Cernovich, she’s just unhappy that one white dude got thrown into the mix.

here’s another sad cultist.

I thought you were only going after criminal illegals - you left all the maids for your corporate friends but the minute somebody turns on Trump, you have to round them up. Do you think this makes you look good?

you know, Melissa isn’t wrong.

despite the anti-immigration rhetoric that seeps from his rancid anus-mouth, Donny has a long history of employing undocumented workers to build his fugly towers and work at his vermin-infested golf motels.

Another immigrant who worked for the Trump construction crew, Edmundo Morocho, said he was told by a Trump supervisor to buy fake identity documents on a New York street corner. He said he once hid in the woods of a Trump golf course to avoid being seen by visiting labor union officials.

but what really has Melissa and her ilk up in arms is the sudden realization that if they can come for Milo, they can come for anyone.

hey Melissa, did you know that someone actually wrote a poem about it? you might have heard it before. it starts ‘first they came for the communists, and I did not speak out, because I was not a communist.’

does that sound familiar, Melissa?

oh, I guess not.

the MAGAverse loves them some tools of oppression, right up until the minute it dawns on them that those very tools can and will be used on them.

Milo Yiannopoulos was one-hundred-percent in favor rounding up every single ‘illegal,’ and hustling them out of the country — right up to the moment that masked federal thugs surrounded him, and dragged him away in handcuffs.

the fucking leopards eat everyone’s face, eventually.

that’s how fascism works. the circle of party-approved loyalists draws ever-smaller, until the only one remaining is Dear Leader.

’twas ever thus.

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meanwhile, Dear Leader is having a perfectly normal weekend.

he and Natty are at his New Jersey ex-wife cemetery.

from which they are posting infantile videos of Donny renaming the lake has no legal power to rename.

and what the fuck is this nightmare fuel?

an army of armed ducks Canada geese, each sporting a rat’s nest of piss-mop bullshit atop their heads, guarding the shores of Lake Whatever The Fuck Donny Imagines It’s Called Today?

this is just fucking nuts.

Dear Leader’s cheese has slipped all the way off his cracker. 25th Amendment now. I’ll take my chances with the furniture fucker.

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you know what? it’s time for some Daily Claudia.

let’s have us more of Katie and her mom. holy shit, look how young. this one’s from 1991, obviously.

and here’s another from our inexhaustible cache of vacationing-at-the-ocean photos.

have a great Sunday, everyone. remember, fuck ICE and fuck Milo, too.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

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monday: wut

stupid got off to an astonishingly quick start this week, because what’s stupider than MAGA?

trick question! the answer is nothing.

Jason Selvig of the Good Liars: “what’s Donald Trump’s greatest accomplishment in his first year and a half?”

cultist: ‘Trump’s done a lot of things. number one, a lot of people don’t realize, he got our country back — because we’ve been under the reign of Great Britain the last 125 years. they destroyed the evidence.’

Selvig: “what? wait, we’ve been under the reign of Great Britain?”

cultist: “that’s why King Charles came here, he thought he was going to manipulate Donald Trump. and Trump went along with him, cause that’s who he is. but that’s what the 250 years was really about, was we got our country back.”

Selvig: “where did you see this?”

cultist: “you just gonna have to research, just like I did. it’s true.”

what the fuck did we all just listen to?

this woman had every opportunity in the world to give a perfectly normal MAGA-pilled answer. ‘he got rid of the illegals.’ ‘he stopped the transgender.’ ‘he made America great again.’

but no, she couldn’t do that. she had to shit out her own one-person fever-swamp hallucination about 125 years of secret British oppression. she’s that fucking out there where the buses don’t run.

where do they find these people?

I have a question: if Donny’s so amazing, how come he couldn’t end this British treachery during his first term?

let’s do this: let’s have some kind of commendation for this level of sheer crazypants.

for her tale of how Donny outsmarted King Chuck, let’s award her the Presidential Medal of Dumbfuck — the same one Rush Limbaugh got from Dear Leader’s Slovenian rent-a-wife.

tuesday: food for thought

okay, this one’s not a trick question: what do you get when the FDA fires most of its food inspectors?

answer: the Summer of the Human Shit-Geysers.

sure, cyclospora’s grabbed all the headlines, because who doesn’t love them some ass-spraying mayhem? but check out what else has been going on in These United States of Gastric Distress, just this week.

The USDA has issued a recall of frozen buffalo chicken products at the highest risk level, indicating a reasonable chance of “serious adverse health consequences or death” after the products were sold without federal inspection.

chicken. how do you fuck up chicken?

for that matter, how do you fuck up butter?

The FDA has upgraded a recall of pistachio butter to the highest risk level, indicating a reasonable chance of “serious adverse health consequences or death” from salmonella contamination.

oh, come on. what’s next, guacamole?

The FDA has upgraded a recall of guacamole to the highest risk level, indicating a reasonable chance of “serious adverse health consequences or death” from salmonella contamination.

please don’t tell me that even rice is being recalled. please, I don’t want to hear about— oh, fuck.

More Than 54,000 Pounds Of Jasmine Rice Have Been Recalled—What To Know

mind you — all these recalls are from one 48-hour period.

how about we all just stop eating between now and when the next president gets inaugurated on January 20, 2029? do you think we can manage to do that? because that seems to be the only way right now to avoid being poisoned by our own food supply.

all this shit is being processed, packaged, and foisted on an unsuspecting public, because there aren’t enough inspectors to go around. what the fuck? what’s going on?

Project 2025 is going on, that’s what. all this fuckery was planned out in advance and was put into place on purpose.

This is an unnecessary regulatory barrier that makes it difficult to get meat and poultry into interstate commerce to create more options for consumers and farmers.

fuck me. can we go back to being secretly run by Great Britain?

at this point. I’d gladly trade sovereignty for a little intestinal peace and quiet.

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wednesday: ugh. just ugh.

these people are fucking evil.

goddammit,. I loathe these shitheads so much.

is this supposed to be funny?

how fucking warped and sick do you have to be to take a series of books for children about a teacher who takes her students on magical journeys, and turn it into some fucked-up tweet about getting rid of immigrants — while children are being deported?

fuck you, you fucking fucks. I hope there’s a special place in hell.

fuck you completely. fuck you forever.

I hope Threads user SKar Go makes good on his threat.

“Funny, I used to be the trademark lawyer for the Magic Bus and would LOVE to send this cease and desist letter.”

go for it. we are all behind you, one hundred percent.

thursday: nakbata kochoday! right back atcha, big guy.

dear sweet Jesus, we definitely need a palate cleanse after that, so here’s self-styled MAGA ‘prophet’ Hank Kunneman, screeching like a meth-tweaked chimpanzee and pretending to speak in tongues.

“we make an intercession of the midterms. nakbata kochoday! nackteday bahaya! een greatenay na taya! mon doe!”

holy fuck. apparently, this lunatic gibbered like this for over twenty minutes. this clip mercifully cuts out after a minute and twenty-seven seconds.

and if that didn’t cleanse the old palate for you, then here’s our piss-drunk Secretary of Death, Flippy McCrushnuts, doing what he does best.

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friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™

on Friday, some fucking idiot began his day by making infantile threats.

that’s a shitload of tough talk, coming from the same fucking idiot who just last week wedged himself and his diaper nurse into Catering Cart One, in order to hide in terror from the very same people he’s now threatening to single-handedly pew-pew-pew-pew to smithereens.

cool story, bro.

after that, the fucking idiot’s minders cleaned him up, freshened his diaper, and bundled him off to Houston, Texas, where he was scheduled to speechify at the Johnson Space Center.

did the diaper nurse travel with the fucking idiot, and grin at him like a lovesick stalker? do you even have to ask?

the fucking idiot must have thought he was at a campaign rally, because he immediately started bragging about his imaginary accomplishments. his boasts were met with complete silence from the emotional support astronauts that his handlers had posed behind him.